happy_bell

work work

2011-08-28T19:37:00.003+08:00

Trying to do research for one of my assignments involving building a model for a building. Have a gazillion tabs but I just can't find what I want. ARGHHHHHHH. I have totally underestimated the time needed to do this. Dare not slack for the rest of the assignments liao...

I passed my BTT!! The funny thing was I got the date totally wrong. I thought it was on Sat when it was on Thursday. So imagine my shock when halfway through class my phone alarm sounded and told me the test was in an hour's time. I was like, oh shit I haven't revised since I thought I could wait till Friday, gg. But between waiting a month more to rebook and trying to pass, I'd take the latter.

Thank goodness it landed during lunch break so I was able to attend. But still I got there 15 mins late cuz the lecturer just wouldn't stop talking even though class ended and I was too paiseh to leave halfway through his enthusiastic speech. Anyway I gave up and told him I had to go. By then the test had started already.

The examiner almost didn't let me take the test until I explained the reason. Haha. He gave me a really grumpy look and said, " no extra time for you". Meh. Managed to finish 20mins before the end of the test anyway, cuz there were much lesser questions than the evaluation. And I passed!!!!! Wheeeeee. So lucky lol. I think I scraped through. Forgot some of the signs also.

Back to researching my Shinto shrines....

hectic, busy and awesome

2011-08-26T00:38:00.002+08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates. Been extremely busy trying to juggle with my new schedule, and trying to incorporate my daily activities inside it. It's really tiring, but I feel so happy and alive that I am finally doing what I had aspired to do, and in a sense it has become a neccessity to do (since I paid the fees) rather than just a hobby that I could just do whenever I feel like it. Weird description, I know. It's like, my life is dependent on it and I'm enjoying it at the same time. Weird huh. Haha.

It's a 5 day week from Mon to Fri, and mostly I end at 4pm. I'm getting along with my classmates quite well, it's only been 3 days since we first met but we are starting to chit chat more often and I feel more comfortable around them. It's my first being surrounded by people who can draw, so I do feel a pressure to work harder and outperform, but I don't mind. In fact it's pretty good practise as I can really develop my skills.

For this semester, we had introductory modules like basic life drawing, principles of animation, basics of maya, sculpting, concept design and all that. My favourites so far are probably life drawing and anatomy. Tmr's the first lesson for sculpting and digital art, hope they are going to be just as awesome :)

Intending to buy a new wacom tablet... I realised that my current one while still functioning is a little inadequate in terms of drawing space and sensitivity. I could live with it if I wanted to but if the school if going to use the better ones I had better start getting used to them as well. Getting poor buying all my school materials lol. Including all the cartridge paper, pencils, what, some kneadable eraser... and many more to come. Later during the sem we have to buy oil clay or something like that which costs a bomb too. Meh.

Assignments for the semester, exercises and homework already given to us. They were really right when they said it's going to be extremely busy and you won't have much time for other stuff. It sounds daunting, but I still feel excited. I think I'm still like in honeymoon mood for getting into the school or something. Haha.

Ok sleeping. The school's schedule is really strict, can't stay up late anymore. Actually blogging at a time like this already means I'm sleeping later than usual... drastic change from being in SOC... will try to update again. Gd nite!

responsibilities

2011-08-17T02:57:00.003+08:00

I've finally concluded that the lesser responsibilities you take up, the happier you tend to be. Figures why bummers have lesser eyebags, good nights of sleep and get satisfaction in life over someone else who has to constantly worry over the smallest things and getting things done right.

RL-ing was never an ambitious plan to gain status or fame in wow for me. The reason why I did was because if nobody did, I figured everything would just go downhill and it would disappoint others who were interested, which was quite a pity. But I think after giving it a try, it was never a role suited for me. Coming from maple where people took boss runs seriously, I think in many ways I couldn't adapt to how my current guild functions. It mystifies, confuses and annoys me just how people treat an event that requires much coordination and communication as if it was the easiest thing to organise on the fly.

There was never once I felt happy playing the role, and having to do it with RL friends made me feel like I strained relationships. Of course, one should never mix their real life with games, but that's only politically correct. No matter how hard you try, people will still form their interactions with you based partially through the game, so i.e. this is bullshit, don't believe it.

If people go, yeah just do that, nobody asked you to do it in the first place - to those people, I daresay they have little or no experience trying to RL. It's not a glorious job. More often than not, you have to juggle with discontentment, people raging either in front or behind your back, and all the other little issues that aren't easily dismissed. The phrase "you can't please everyone" comes out in full force here, and there are really some hard decisions to be made, which further sours things.

I'd like to have my bummer lifestyle back, if you please. Just being a simple and happy girl playing her character, and enjoying her game without worries. And after complaining to my friend for the (n*100000)th time (sry dude for having to endure my QQing lol), I finally realised this is just the inevitable.

dessert

2011-08-14T13:28:00.002+08:00

I always have a craving for desserts. I think somewhere inside me, there's a 2nd stomach saved for occasions like this after dinner. Haha.

Was talking to my friend yesterday and decided to make almond jelly. It wasn't really anything specific, but just hearing him mention it and recalling how I had that superb one in some goodness-knows-where place in Chinatown made me feeling like eating it again. Haha.

Waiting for Dad to come home so that we can get the ingredients together... yesterday when I asked him if he had the ingredients at home he just gave me that stupid almond instant powder... no way I'm using that!!!

On a mini K-pop roll, downloading old songs into my playlist. /random

week of... idk wads going on

2011-08-13T20:34:00.002+08:00

My life feels rather messed up for the week. Been sleeping late, and as a result no exercise and waking up late.

:'<

I can't wait for school to start to have some semblance of order in my life. Need motivation... and my friend says I have some disorder called short bowel syndrome cause I eat and still lose weight. Speechless...

sentimental day

2011-08-06T18:19:00.004+08:00

Was browsing through songs to download on youtube today and got wrapped up listening to all those songs. Adele's songs caught my attention most and I ended up spending most of the day just listening, and googling out the lyrics.

Many of her songs in the album made me recall the past times with him. As I listened, the emotions started to swell up and my eyes got blurry. I should have stopped then, but somehow I just kept going on, as if I was caught up with the current and couldn't do anything else.

It has been roughly over a year. Do I think of him? Maybe. I wonder how he's doing once in a while. Do I still love him? Time has dulled the emotions enough. But I still cry, when I think back of the moments and how it all ended. It feels paradoxical, crying over losing love when I don't want to go back to it again.

Many around me have asked if I was going to look for a new boyfriend. My reply was always, no. But to put it more accurately, it's not that I don't want to be in love, it's just that I haven't found someone I want to be with at the moment. I have to say, I'm not really easy to talk to and am quite the introvert. Somemore the guy has to fit my "criteria". I wonder how am I ever going to find a guy this way. Haha. Maybe it's time to pray I'll meet someone in my new school (so impossibru methinks).

I guess it's always good to cry once in a while when you are feeling down, for whatever reason it may be. Feeling a little better now.

sigh

2011-08-05T16:22:00.003+08:00

Was on the way home last night when mum msged me that papa was worried over the opportunity cost of me taking the diploma. *sigh* I'm not sure how to even begin typing out my thoughts, but it's roughly along the lines of "unsupportive all along" and "why now when I've already enrolled".

I came home, and talked to mama first. She got a little teary eyed as she was telling me what happened, with papa flaring up at her when she asked if he had talked to me to clear his doubts. But at the end of it all, she said she was ok with me taking the diploma. I guess like mother like daughter, really. Mum used to work as a architect, and she loves to draw. So when she came with me to visit the school and view the students' work she probably understood my passion.

On the other hand, my dad was the silent one. Despite my insistence in taking up the diploma ever since I was in my final year, he never agreed with it but neither did he openly oppose it. It was an indirect disagreement of sorts. Sometimes, when I talk to him about the future in general, he would tend to promote the "right" and safer way, which was to just be a teacher and settle down, get a steady pay, save for my future etc. I can't remember just how many times I've heard of such conversations and even my sister, who tried to persuade him on my behalf by telling him it's ok if people don't do it that way gets exasperated with him.

I'm not saying that papa is unsupportive, for as much as he doesn't agree with my decision he still loves me very much as his daughter. He still sends me to the school if I need to make a trip there, if I need anything in preparation for my diploma he would still do it for me, and of course I appreciate that. But it saddens me sometimes over the small things like him not wanting to come and have a look at the school, or not wanting to ask me how are things going on and what I needed to do.

Well, at least he asked when I was starting school yesterday. Guess that's a start. *sigh*

updating...

2011-08-02T20:12:00.003+08:00

Today was kind of like a crash and burn day. Was very tired out from the previous 2 days where I had to go with lack of sleep. As usual, started off the week with zerging out my points before I can turn to other activites... so... very little sleep. =/

Thankfully there's a maintainence now so I get to rest for an hour. Gonna sleep it off. Just broke my nice schedule of not playing too much =( Oh well... maybe I'll take it as giving myself a treat for sticking to my healthy lifestyle schedule... haha.. at least I still sleep at the normal hours. Guess I won't be exercising tmr as well, too tired.

Gonna head down to the school to submit my acceptance tmr... *yawn*

part 2 of the test

2011-08-02T00:56:00.002+08:00

So I went back in, and to my surprise I had to draw again. This time testing me on concept art. Instructions was to create a character outfitted with moves/skills/styled after 5 items given on the paper, complete with a description about my creation, 100 words.

I flipped the paper and went, omfg. The five items were a rubber duckie, a set of cutlery, a boiling kettle, a blender and a hairbrush. Very interesting indeed...

So I thought for awhile and initially, the idea was to create some household superhero, throwing rubber duckie missiles at naughty children who mess up their houses and wielding all these... equipment to solve household problems. Then I thought about it further and decided it was too superficial, so I decided to go a little more abstract as it was kind of a boring concept... not thinking out of the box. Since the paper said I could deconstruct the items in any way I like, I selected bits and pieces of each item and created this martial artist adorned with various parts of it.

Took the brush and knife to form a polearm... the handle of the kettle for her shoulderpad... the cover of the blender for her belt, hair accessory from rubber duckie. Theme that I set for myself was some ancient chinese era... in any case, I ended up overshooting the time slightly (was writing the description when the girl came in to tell me time was up) because I got a little too engrossed unlike the first part, lol. Took me like 5 mins to think of a description and I couldn't help giggling at myself as I wrote it, it sounded so passable but ridiculous.

Then came the last part which was the lecturer interviewing me. He didn't really critque my artwork much, I guess he already looked through beforehand... he did say on the whole I showed some technique, but of course not the best out there. Asked me on my reason for wanting to be here... background... etcetc. It wasn't that hard an interview per se. I guess my passion really showed cause he sounded quite positive to what I said... and the interview overshot because occasionally we derailed to talk about other stuff about animation, lol.

Finished the interview. Was told that I would be mailed my results in 7 day's time. But interestingly the admin asked me to wait and disappeared to find the lecturer who stayed back in the room where we had the interview. Then later she came back and just said, " You passed". I was a little stunned initially, because I hadn't expected such a fast result. Anyway the next half an hour was a blur, getting papers, calling my parents about the result and basically just revelling in the outcome.

So... 2 more years of student life, and much more fun to come :)

while waiting

2011-08-01T12:20:00.002+08:00

At starbucks @ fusionpolis now, blogging while waiting for the 2nd part of the entrance test to start, which is like in an hour.

I woke up this morning feeling very jumpy, wondering how the test would be like, how I would get grilled for my lousy art skills and imagined squirming under the critical eye of the tester. And worried that I would have not much energy/brain block due to me sleeping late last night as we ended the raid at 3am... but thankfully, so far it's been fine.

So Dad dropped me off in front of fusionpolis and I made my way downstairs to the school. Could see some people already on their way to attend classes there. The admin recognised me immediately and let me through. Paid the fees, filled up the form... and then the test.

I haven't exactly been through apititude tests before, this was my first. So I was rather intriqued that all I was required was to draw a scene given to me. Quite simple in my opinion. She gave me a template to follow, which was a standard office scene. The task was to redraw the office using the template together with several other items, such as a rug, coffee maker etc inside, and the setting was an office of a 2nd-hand car dealer.

I think I took about roughly half an hour to sketch out what I wanted, and another hour to actually reproduce the template with all the items inside. Had to draw 9 items. The test was limited to 2 hours, but I finished about half an hour earlier. I should have taken a picture of it before I turned it in to the admin for keepsake. Haha. My very first apititude test drawing! But it looked a little kiddish IMO. The kind where the kid doesn't sharpen the pencils towards the end and the lines look blurry and smudgey. Though I did try to erase the obvious marks... ok noobcake.

And that was all there was to it. Was told to wait till after lunch before the lecturer would come and interview me.. I vaguely remembered her saying he would be testing me on concept or something. Meh. Would take at most half an hour. So wish me luck.. :D

bored

2011-07-31T16:31:00.002+08:00

For the past week or so I've been sticking to some sort of a schedule in an attempt to be less like a bum.. which includes playing less online games. So far so good, sleeping and eating hours are a lot more regular and I think my parents are happier (although astonished at the change lol) that I'm starting to do what I need to.

The downside to all of this is that I get extremely bored in the afternoons. Well granted I can always use the time to do drawings... get my project done but urgh.... besides that there isn't much to do. Wanted to spend my time productively and sometimes just want to do something else. No, watching anime, reading manga doesn't count. I considered going out with friends but it's not like I want to go out everyday. D: More often that not, I end up taking a nap in the late afternoon as the weather's so hot and I get drowsy after lunch... which would mean I am still a bum. D:

I need some advice on what else I can do...

ps: day 2 of blogging, not bad. and illustrator's a bitch. i prefer photoshop so much more :(

starting something new

2011-07-30T14:41:00.003+08:00

So yeah, I haven't been blogging for 2 months. I suppose it would be a good practice to blog a little more regularly as a fresh start... but really, don't count on it too much lol. Most of the time I don't think I have anything remotely interesting to say.

So to sum it all up... yeah I've graduated/had my commencement on 5th July :) after 4 long years of studying! I was so damn happy going up there shaking hands with the president and receiving my transcript. And so so so happy taking pictures with everyone.

Then came my birthday on the 8th, which was prolly one of the nicest celebrations I had in my life. I never expected my friends to buy me such expensive presents (yay @ razor keyboard and mouse!!!!) , and they even organised a surprise dinner for me. I can't really express my happiness, but really guys, you made me really happy that week with what you have done for me. I'm very touched and grateful :)

Finally, my future plans. I've been checking up on the schools and finally settled for Egg Story instead of FZD, reason being financial costs. Although the dip @ egg story will take 2 years, I decided it was a worthwhile tradeoff. I can't say my parents are entirely happy with my decision as true enough, delaying finding my job for a year is quite a disadvantage, but I think I would be more comfortable this way. Will be taking the entrance test in 2 days time, so wish me luck that I will pass! There's a lot more things I need to think about... but I'm gonna focus on just getting in first. One step at a time.

Contrary to what many people say, I'm not really addicted to WoW. I just happen to have too much free time (since I'm no longer studying anyway) for the past 2 months and been procrastinating on my stuff (i.e. just don't feel like touching them), that's why I play it a lot. Sometimes I don't understand why people like to keep stereotyping when the way we do things are just so different. It's as simple as, "today I would like to level my character to level 10", and I set that as my goal today. And when people ask me if I'm free I'll say no, because I plan to do this today and they go WTF. I just don't understand. It's my personal schedule, I've already arranged and planned it this way (and sometimes with others) and just because it doesn't work in your interest people just say I'm addicted to the game and that "I'm not a good enough friend". I'm never a person who likes to make changes on the fly, so if I make a plan I would really prefer to stick to it unless it's urgent or neccessary (like it's a rare gathering or sendoff etc). So it really gets on my nerves at times when people start to KP to me when they just don't understand this is how I work. And it's not as if I prefer them over the game, it's cause I already PLANNED. Goddammit. Do you ever see saying OK to a Sunday outing with them beforehand and then later telling them I'll cancel cuz I want to play on Sunday? No right? It's just that simple, and sometimes I feel that they aren't being very considerate.

The more I type the more annoyed I feel... =.=

GE2011

2011-05-08T04:47:00.004+08:00

It's been a long and exciting day for me.

Went out with pauline, subby, jo, issac and ben for dinner. Great food, great company. Headed over to pauline's house to watch the tv show of the year - GE2011 results.

Even though I'm not from Aljunied or Hougang, I felt really happy for the opposition for winning the constituencies. Aljunied was a rather shaky win, but that was understandable given that GY was contesting too. If I were from that constituency it would really be hard for me to make a decision.

Many people have lamented the loss of GY as a foreign minister, with some even saying that Singaporeans are not using their brains, and wasting talented people just because they want "change". As much as I agree with them on the loss, I find it insanely stupid to make such comments.

Are Sylvia Lim and Low Thia Khiang not people deserving of a seat in parliament? Have their talents gone unrecognised? If GY managed to get into parliament, would you have lamented for the loss of these 2 people? I think back to the very moment when SL, as an NMP, made a speech opposing the salary hike of ministers which I thought was a very fair and just opposition, and brilliantly spoken. Although LTK is not my MP, he has impressed me with how he really tries to speak up and fight for his own constituency. To a certain extent, this win for WP is not a "trendy" phenomenon as some people may think. I do not think that to vote for LTK and SL over GY is a stupid thing to do, nor does it signify ruin for the country, because they are people who are equally deserving of that seat in parliament.

People may say that Aljunied voters are not seeing the big picture. Yes I agree, losing a capable foreign minister is a heavy loss for Singapore. But gaining 2 more capable ministers in the parliament of my country, that actively fight for the local populace on bread and butter issues is so much more, especially in a crucial situation that Singapore is in right now. (foreign influx, problems in transport, income gap) If we are not going to elect people to address these pressing concerns, then we are not seeing the internal "big picture" too.

I am not saying that I am anti-PAP. I respect the party for what they have done, and for that I support them too. There are several MPs from the PAP who also rightfully deserve a seat, like Dr Lily Neo and I'm glad that they have won and will continue to serve in parliament. I support GY, I support LTK and SL, but it's not like Aljunied voters have a choice to keep everyone when they are all contesting each other right? Already, this is reflected in the close % of votes - that people do want to have all 3 of them into parliament. So stop the needless flaming. It is sad to see GY go, but I believe if there's a will, there's a way. He will definitely continue to serve Singapore even from the sidelines, just as how opposition candidates have continued to actively campaign despite defeat.

If Singapore is a truly meritocratic society, GY would not have been a sacrificial lamb in this year's elections. Don't give the voters a hard time if you truly mean well for us, for Singapore's progress, because you jolly well know who the capable people are and everyone is aware. That's all I want to say.

confusion

2011-05-06T07:54:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I think I can read people. Sometimes I can't. Sometimes I get it wrong. But more often than not, my intuition saves my ass from many unimportant situations that do not concern me.

And this is a load of bullshit you are reading, dear reader. Because I have just reached home at 7+am and spent my time making my sentences readable than being coherent.

-----
ok enough with the bullshit. last few sentences of sanity before I lose it:

- it is highly enjoyable to talk cock till 7+am again like old times

- i feel somewhat bad. but the guilt is apparently not my fault. but i still feel it.

- i. do. not. effing. understand. just what is wrong with the whole wide world. some things are just so common sense but people just don't get it, i discover more and more adult babies (the horror) after the lengthy discussion. it's half annoying, half worrying, half exasperating to watch. wait, that's 3 halves and i don't make sense.

- it's not that i don't compromise. but it's pretty much a great difference in values.

- some people do not make great actors.

- i feel cheated, but thanks for your care and 2/10 (to that certain someone). i do appreciate what you do for me. be very assured the remaining 1/10 for my side will never happen in our lives though.

- bumpy ride, tough times. please take care of yourselves people, no matter what happens.

omg

2011-04-01T06:31:00.003+08:00

I think my lifespan must have shortened considerably, what with me staying up all night without sleep for so many times this sem. Never in my life has it been so intense before.

Really tired now, all my other group members fell asleep leaving me the last one awake. I want to sleep too but I have to guard their stuff, if not gg. -.-||| Someone please wake up asap T.T I wanna doze a bit too.

First bg almost up. I still have some tweaks to do to that moving crap though. It just wouldn't fit the way I want to. (I think it's somewhat me nit picking though) And my laptop's not helping.... the GC is really chui. Just got to live with it till end of the sem. Still have to wrap up critique and hand it in for submission. Arghhhhhhhh this is hectic...

Really want to sleep. Like now. Sian.

I never knew people had such different views of me, compared to what I think of myself.

Oh heck it, I'm gonna doze. Whatever. -.-

Because of...

2011-03-30T06:33:00.002+08:00

Thanks to a certain SOMEBODY *coughs* I decided to make a blog post. Not that the person asked me to make la. But since I'm back here, why not.

Actually I'm feeling a tad sheepish now 'cause I did promise myself that I would try to update every now and then, but well.... you see. *stares at previous post made in January*

In my defense, I shall explain that I have tons of projects. 5 actually this sem. As of now, I've just completed one, and another is due tomorrow, but we have finished preparations so all's good. That leaves a crappy GEK1531 essay (that has not even been touched yet), special effects, and the gigantic game dev project. Starting to feel the crunch, even though I have 2 projects down.

Consult yesterday saw some changes made to the game design. Not in terms of game mechanics, thank god, but in the number of levels we intend to use. I think on my part, and Wei Feng's part too, we were very relieved as it meant less work. Until they started to talk about backgrounds and I realised I was in for deep shit as I had to recreate another 4 new backgrounds while almost entirely discarding the one I did before. Kind of like how there's a sudden downpour when the sun is still shining. Yeah the super suay kind. And it's not helping that I have to do it ALL with that stupid moving background thing........ urgh so troublesome. But if I can pull it off, I'll be really proud of myself.

Major reworking needed for special effects too... -.-. I have to say after watching the lecturer's video on the behind the scenes effects, I was rather psyched to ramp up the quality of my special effects. But again, time constraints (and procrastination) make it really hard to reach for my goals. I really hope I will be able to deliver in time, and in high standard. And because if I churn out shit I will malu in front of the public presentation. LOL.

Was talking to LG awhile back, and he asked if I liked drawing. I replied, " If there is something you do in which no matter how tedious it is, you feel happy doing it, that means you like it." And well, that's how I feel about drawing. Granted, I do not have any background expertise (unless you count my crummy artwork during primary school drawing lessons) but I love to dabble with colours. I love experimenting on ideas, and creating the image that I feel would fit the mood, and provide flow to whatever it is supposed to contribute to. That's why I love my role as the assets creator in my game dev project now, despite how heavy the workload is. It is very well my first and last time in NUS where I really felt like I was in my element, just churning out piece after piece with average effort (i.e.: no brain drain feeling I get from solving maths questions or coding), and feeling immense joy looking at my creations. In fact, when I feel like taking a break, I actually turn to my game dev stuff and start to draw assets that I need later, and it really helps me relax.

I truly understand the joy of getting the dream job now. I am SO going to get that dip, seriously.

2011

2011-01-11T20:55:00.003+08:00

since the server in WOW is down for scheduled maintainence, time to do some stuff on things i've been neglecting like my blog, etc.

2011 is a great year because i finally filed for graduation. finally got my last module that i bidded for, finally got the "You are QUALIFIED for graduation" quotation from the verifier, finally pressed the submit button and finally on the last stretch to graduating from NUS!!

it's been 4 long years. when i first came in, i was excited; everything was new, made tons of friends, experienced so many ups and downs in my life in all aspects. there was so much to do, so much to see. while i still have many regrets like not appealing for FASS, i am glad i ended up in SOC with a huge bunch of friends doing stuff together, making the entire school life really enjoyable even though the modules sucked big time. studying together, mugging + overnighting, talking cock, all the FOP stuff, parties and outings. i think it's probably only in SOC that you can get something like that since the faculty is so small and we know each other.

while i always tell everyone how happy i am to graduate, of course there would definitely be some sadness at leaving a place where i've grown used to and enjoyed for 4 years. i might not see my uni friends as often as before, may not be so in touch. but more than feeling sad, it feels like a whole new beginning like how i entered uni - being excited, wondering what's in store for you, making new acquintances, starting on new things... but this time round it's much more serious. anyway i know that definitely there will be times where we will meet to occasionally to catch up, and as i start to do other things, i will probably get busy too.

there's so many things i want to do when i graduate. go to places i've dreamt of (grad trip FTW) , take japanese, game art, driving, get a job... and the list goes on. it gets me so excited when i think of them that it just drives out any trace of sadness away actually, haha. my mum even sewed me a graduation picture last year in preparation for this, haha so kiasu right.

ok back to the present. school is intensely slack since i only have 2 cores, 3 UEs out of which i'm gonna SU 2 of them, haha. gonna pack up my room for the brand new chinese new year now, and as a fresh start to everything in my life. tata =D

omg omg i'm gonna graduate!!!! XD yeah~~~

epic fail

2010-11-28T23:46:00.003+08:00

first off, i'm super sorry that the current blogskin you see now is taken from blogskins.com. halfway through trying to figure out how the codes were working i got lured into watching anime....

how it happened:
- thinking of how to design
- decided to go have a look at some nice wallpapers
- went to minitokyo.com, and there was a bishie wallpaper at the front page
- went to click and found a horde of bishies
- was so excited, went to wiki them up and found out it has an anime
- the rest was history.

and there's that. epic fail. btw i finished the entire season of anime in one night... hahhaha -_-

i will TRY and do some modifications to the skin to make it a little... personalized. haha. but i quite like this layout for now. it's very simple and elegant, what i've always wanted.

i guess some things people need to consider should be the ease of access of posts, the design of the backgrounds. for me, i hate it when i have to click excessively to get to read posts. i hate it when the colours are horrible and jarring to the eyes. and i definitely don't like it when the background doesn't fit in with the text or overlaps. (think of black lines with black text, nonono) something around there. so when i design my skin, i will always try to think in terms of what i would want as a reader and try to incorporate that into my design. haha this sounds so CS3240... human comp interaction

off to do some tweaks and change some info. cya =D

some free time

2010-11-28T00:05:00.003+08:00

finally done with my 5th paper, last one to go. I'm in a holiday mood! =D and as usual I will try to spend some time doing stuff that I would like to do but am too lazy/tired/not free to do so. And today shall be.... doing a blogskin!

first off, i must clarify that i am a total noob. I don't know anything about css, html, whatever that is needed to create the blogskin. so er yeah, my dear readers don't expect any thing much out of me haha. but i do hope i get more proficient in future if i want to make any changes :)

actually im quite tired now but the thought of downing my 2nd last paper made me too happy. 4 days to study for the last paper, i think i shall slack a little.. haha. k im off to trying to get a blogskin out. toodles!

tagboard

2010-11-27T04:10:00.002+08:00

i was thinking if i should add back a tagboard onto my blog. just some random idea that popped up while im taking a small break from my studies. maybe i will do it after my last exam.

i realise i haven't been exactly.... thinking in my posts. at most, it's just random updates from what i've been doing. mostly a little brainless gushing on whatever fun stuff i've been doing. well i don't mind, but maybe it's time to make my posts something that would make me think more about life and its workings. or anything that will make me write a lengthy essay to express my point. current issues plaging me or the world, anything.

this is more like a infrequent diary of sorts. so if i'm really busy i wouldn't have the time or want to spend time on typing out posts. and it works far better than writing down on paper because my wrists get tired, and it saves time, yadayada.

i wonder who on earth really reads this blog. it'd be interesting to know (like, just how did u find out?!) . besides jiesheng la. credited you already hahaha. and i think occasionally xj, subby and jo. hmm. can't think of anymore.

k back to studying.

Foul

2010-11-18T03:07:00.002+08:00

I detest obnoxious assholes. People who have nothing better to do than to poke fun at others. It may be a joke to you, but know when you are taking it too far. Macham say anything I also ok as if I'm some passive airhead. FUCKING ASSHOLES.

AFAX '10

2010-11-15T02:45:00.003+08:00

2 days ago I just attended my first ever cosplay event, and I absolutely loved EVERY moment of it. Omg, it's an otaku's dream come true. Never felt so happy in my life to see all the anime products and cosplayers walking around. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh why am I not living in Japan!!!!

I also got to see my ou xiang rainer tachibana cosplaying as Lightning today with her team. So happy! Was searching for them the entire day since 12+pm and finally managed to spot her outside @ like 7pm? My god. The search paid off, prancing around with my awesomeshit heels that were not meant to be worn for 8 hours worth of walking. Took so many pics that day, I was overjoyed :D

Had to keep controlling my urge to buy every single product out there. I want the cosplay swords(even if the quality was shitty I'd love to own a sword), I want the shirts, I want the saber figurine!! Sadly I have limited cash funds and I only got a gintama figurine from the gachapons and a strap for my DS (mio is <3)

I managed to bug Peide to help me get a Okita eyemask and gacha another gintama toy for me since he was able to go for the 2nd day. HAHA i will really wear that mask to sleep since my Dad always wakes up at 6am and turns on the lights to read. My bed faces the light so it always shines in and makes me grumpy as I only wake in the afternoon. =/

Seeing everyone cosplaying makes me feel like doing it too =/ I would cosplay as Saber though. Haha. My loveeeeeeee. Spent the entire night uploading pics and commenting till 4AM before I went to bed, exhausted. I really wanted to go for the 2nd day, but the AI project had to come first so no choice =/

My soles were really on fire when I finally reached home. Got a horrible blister on the right toe, and it hurts to wear my slippers 'cause they cover the part where the blister was. Maybe I need to get a new pair to wear till it heals. It's day 3 now, and my soles are still freaking sore and I have muscle aches on my legs. Mild though, but I think I seriuosly need some exercise if not I will keep having these aches when I wear my awesomeshit shoes ._.

Got to see Alodia even though i missed Kaname =( . Omfg she was freaking chio. It's so unbelievable that she could be this pretty that it's surreal. Definitely another great inspiration to cosplayers. Her costume was really well done. Speaking of which, there were quite a few cool ones out there that did their costumes realllly well, although I'm not sure what anime they were from. Can imagine all the days and nights they spent doing them... good job everyone =3

It's gonna be a pretty short post 'cause I'm tired out from today's project meeting, and that I haven't recovered from my fatigue from walking around all day and the lack of sleep. Spent around 30mins decorating our robot just now. Haha I hope my team members find it ok. I made it look like a red indian to fit in the image of a person hunting the Wumpus =x

Till then, ciao~

A day of awesome shoes and bubble tea

2010-11-07T00:02:00.004+08:00

Wanted to wake up early to start work on my 3D modelling project, but lol I woke up at... 4pm instead -_-. That's like 6 hours after I switched off my alarm clock which also meant that I overslept by 6 hours. I'm quite amazed at how much of a sloth I can be........ zzz.

Went over to my cousin's house at AMK for her housewarming today. Decided to wear my shoes that were full of awesomeness. Describing it, I would call it sneakers on heels. I spent the whole evening trotting around in it at Junction 8 where my family had dinner after vising my cousin's house... haha. Despite everyone staring at me thinking I must be a lunatic to prance around in heels that make me look like a towering monster, I thoroughly enjoyed every single moment of it :D I'm 169 cm and with it, I'm almost 180cm tall haha. That's how high those heels were. But they really looked awesome!!!! I loved them too much to care about how people thought. Haha. But I wished I dressed up better. Poor heels, you need better clothes to match with. Maybe when I have money next year. For now you are stuck with lousy clothes =/ what an abomination. It's like buying a pair of SGD$60 razor orca headphones and plugging it into my laptop to play music from solitare - that's the level of abomination I'm talking about.

Speaking of it... I've really been wanting to get those headphones. Just can't get it out of my head. I even DREAMT of it last night -_-||||| I dreamt that there was some weird exchange thing going on. If you put any pair of headphones into this machine, you have a chance of it turning into those orca headphones. If unlucky, u get a pencil or some shitty thing. Anyway that machine strangely looked like those in customs, where you put your hand luggage onto the conveyor belt and it passes through the machine where they scan your belongings. Lol.

In the end I put a regular pair of headphones in, and I got back the same pair... how sad. But I was relieved that I didn't get a crappy pencil haha. When I woke up, I felt that same tightness that I had when I was putting my headphones into the machine.... lol!!!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit. I really want them =< maybe I should borrow from dad again.. but I owe him so much already!!! Sian. But I really want them. */impracticalwhine* Arghhhhhhhhhhhh. I NEED TO WORK, ANYONE HAS LOBANG?

p.s.: with reference to the title, yeah I had bubble tea today. When I came home, yanlin showed me this pic of some cafe advertising their bubble tea which had the slogan "The joys of sucking on balls". WTH -_-

Brief respite

2010-11-05T02:37:00.006+08:00

Wheeeeeeeeee I'm finally done with the AI project. Honestly, I really think we are going to ace it and pwn every other team. Our own robot is zai to the point where it can deduce from situations far easily than me. Ironically, I was the one who came up with most of the inference rules some more. LOL

All in all, 2 days of hard work from Travis (coding the inference rules) and CY (calibration). Ok la I have to admit I think I got off with the slackest and lowest contribution of the job - documentation and QA for the robot evaluation + various other insignificant jobs like helping to comment on code... blah blah. Part of me me shakes my head at being so useless, another part of me say that's because you just aren't good enough -_-||| But I'm proud that at least I made sure the robot was zai to the point where it can virtually pwn any setup you throw at it =3

It was a huge pity that we submitted late due to cock-ups from SVN... which was totally unneccessary =( I do hope we can negotiate with the tutor because the changes we made to the 2nd version was just uncommenting code that we blocked out when running the stuff on our PC... bleh. Not anything very significant. Totally not worth losing 5% for -_-

Ponned 2 of my tutorials for this. Well not that I really want to attend them but... this had better be worth it. Haha. I can't wait for evaluation on Monday to see how the robot fares. We didn't have any chance to test it on any board or anything due to time constraints. So everything was all theory only which was very risky especially when our calibration wasn't perfect.

Friday's Deepavali and I totally forgot about it till someone mentioned the holiday when we were all going home. Now I suddenly have a free day which is very nice INDEED. Work done, extra holiday, what else could be better =D What's more I got an email from my Japanese Studies lecturer telling me that my group project ppr did well and she wanted us to go present it next Friday. A totally great end to my day =D

Think I'll make soba tomorrow, maybe go out with parents (and try my heels lol) or reorganize my room. Whee thinking about it makes me happy!

Emphathy

2010-11-04T03:17:00.002+08:00

Instead of commenting on a boy getting murdered on Halloween, I'm going to comment on the girl who got flamed by the public for saying that some people are such hypocrites for starting some FB group in memory of the deceased when they don't know him well. Lol...

Honestly, I do agree with her POV and I believe that it takes much more sincerity than just an act of saying "I feel sad for him and his family" and clicking on the "join" button. The ones who truly will remember him will continue to do so for weeks, months, perhaps years depending on the degree of closeness. But alas, most netizens probably mourn out of a sense of feeling sadness for a death of a young person, and probably not because of Darren Ng (the deceased). I guess that's what she was trying to say, but it lacked tact, and well a little emphathy. Anyway, after this entire flaming incident I doubt many will dare to criticize openly in public. Lol.

Well that wasn't really the topic I had in mind. I just wanted to comment that even I myself lack emphathy for many things, in many areas. Consoling friends especially, I suck in that. The last time I tried to console a friend turned out to be a huge WTF-fest because we ended up arguing on what defines a friend, and other various shit that I don't remember (and don't want to). At the end of it all, when I probably had a headache and was so sick and tired of it did he say that I was rather ungracious. But when I think back about it, I was probably that ungracious because I was fed up with the issue he wanted me to console about in the first place.

Many times have I lost my cool, or said something regrettable due to emotions and probably that's why I always try hard to control myself - telling myself to think logically, rationally before I do something I regret. I think it ended up affecting my sense of emphathy =/

Ok what's this seriously. I'm blabbering stuff incoherently at 4am. Good night world. Need a good rest for the AI chionging session. =.= Hope we pwn the other teams haha (like Travis says).

shopping sins

2010-11-01T00:30:00.003+08:00

Before I begin on the topic, hi jiesheng. LOL i didn't know u still read my blog. haha

Today was the greatest shopping sin I have ever committed in my life. Was shopping with my parents yesterday at ION, and we went into New Look and got a pair of heels we liked. Then while paying up the guy at the cashier kindly informed us that there was going to be a 50% sale going on tmr on selected shoes and my eyes immediately lit up. Like, OMG, 50%?!?!!?

I always liked New Look's shoes cuz they had my shoe size (I'm a huge 40/41) and for heels(flats including), they price them rather decently. Not to mention the styles were generally nice. So for a person like me who has a horribly pathetic range of shoes to wear when I go out, this was like a godsent. 50%?!?!?!?!?! \(^o^)/

Initially I was hesitating to go because I needed to finish up my lab that was due midnight. I was sighing away this afternoon while doing it thinking I probably wouldn't get to go but who knew @ 7+pm I finished it!!! I was ecstatic and immediately ran out of my room after submitting the zip file asking my parents if they could send me to ION for the sale. HAAHAHHA. I have to really thank my dad, he's probably one of the best dads in the whole wide world who would still accommodate to his daughter's whims even though he is a little grumpy about going out so late. So I happily went down to ION, and went bonkers over there.

Bought 4 pairs of shoes, and all together I racked up a grand total of 270+ bucks. Omfg... When I saw the bill I kind of cringed, but when I look back at my shoes my eyes just couldn't stop twinkling with joy. LOL. Yesssssssss new shoes! Wheeeeeeeee. Thanks so much papa for paying for the shoes first <3

Probably one of the happiest days ever when I actually finish an assignment without tearing out my hair before the deadline, and buying FRIGGIN 4 PAIRS OF SHOES at a go. K I should exercise some discipline now and stop shopping for the next month......... =D

Omg I'm so happy when I think of my shoes. LOL

new pc!

2010-10-26T02:39:00.003+08:00

As the title goes, I finally got a new CPU to replace the one that went kaput. It was quite an amazing feat when I think back on it. I didn't particuarly read up on anything before I went to Sim Lim to purchase my stuff. I only knew basic stuff like, "ok I need more RAM, maybe a bit more disk space, and definitely a good GC to do my assignment". When I arrived at Sim Lim, I totally didn't know what was the best GC to get and was so scared that it would be uncompatible for my GPU assignment, so I only picked those PCs that had nividia inside (because I remembered the cards they mentioned was nividia so....). Together with my Dad who knows nuts about computers, we went through all 3 levels of Sim Lim (4 -6) just to look around.

I was about to select a PC that looked decent, till I came across this small shop in an ulu corner. Took their leaflet, checked out their stuff and it came up around $200 cheaper than most retailers at the main passages. The only disadvantage was the risk if the shop folded before the warranty expired...... lol. After thinking about it for awhile, I decided to return to the shop and got my CPU for $1.2k.

Ouch isn't it. Specs wise, 4GB ram, GTS450 GC, i3 processor 2.9Xhz, 1TB HDD, well... I guess that's more or less the noteworthy stuff. So I happily brought home my CPU and decided to start tinkering with it... removed the HDD in my CPU and was trying to figure out where on earth I could put it in the new case, because apparently it was too small, and it doesn't have multiple HDD drives. LOL uber fail. My dad kept nagging at me saying why didn't I bring my old HDD to the guy and ask him to fix it for me... which I never thought of.

Then came the monitor. After spending half an hour in frustration of why nothing came up, I asked Chef for help and he told me to use a converter. I felt insanely geeky cutting up that plastic sachet, fixing the converter onto the plug and socket and watching the whole screen light up. LOL++

I probably irritated my Dad countless times as I pestered him to take off the case for me (cuz I don't know where he keeps all his screwdrivers -_-), and not knowing what the hell to do to get the CPU up and running, but eventually I figured out how to plug in the old HDD and how to configure the booting (based on vague past memories when Chef helped me reformat my lappy) . Well right now I can choose to boot XP in the old one, and win7 in the new one and I'm feeling happy. I have to say, having more RAM to run win7 is a godsent. My laptop is suffering badly with just 2GB even though they said it was the bare minimum. Think multiple screen hangs before submission deadline. Nightmare indeed.

Now I've just spent roughly 2 hours installing every single crap I can imagine. 1TB is an overkill, especially when I have an external disk that's 1TB as well.... need to get a new mouse. I realised my casing really sucks, too small, no multiple disk drives, and worst is the there's only 1 port where the mouse and keyboard should be inserted. So I had to sacrifice my mouse, and use my laptop's USB mouse to do my stuff now. Lol this is too pathetic >.> shall go buy another mouse asap.

All in all, geeky experience. Thank god I didn't try DIY-ing this entire CPU myself; I would have spent a week just trying to fix the innards and probably end up blowing up the entire CPU when I switch on the power. Many thanks to Chef who helped troubleshoot every single thing I didn't know. Ahahhaa even the most mundane stuff! And now I'm quite tired... >_>

Went out with XJ today. Initially we planned to just window shop. Who knew I ended up buying $90 bucks worth of stuff....... 2 jackets, hair accessories, facial products. Uber window shopping experience. We privately agreed that we should only try to window shop again when we have money, somewhere in December. HAHHAHAHA. But I love my jackets to death, can't stop wearing them. I even wear them at home! Happened to be cold anyway so the feeling was awesome <3

can't concentrate

2010-10-20T23:40:00.003+08:00

Lately I've been having this inability to concentrate. Be it on work, listening to people, doing simple things. There's a sense of frustration that accompanies with it when I plan to finish some things but end up not being able to get down into the mood to get it done. Don't know the reason, and can't figure out a right method to make me concentrate well. Sucks big time. I can't concentrate both at home and in school -_-

Gonna experience a burning-midnight-oil week anytime soon... and I need to get my desktop up asap. So many things to do. Ahhhhhhhh. I really wish I could get school done and over with so that I can move on to doing things that interest me better.

There's a bubble tea fundraising trend in school now. While I'm an ardent fan of KOI bubble tea, I think it's really gone to a ridiculous state. Tons of fundraising activities start to pop up all selling it. I won't deny that it's a really good way to earn money given that KOI has high popularity and should I say, there's a high demand and low supply. But to sell it at a price of $3.50 per medium cup, that's almost ridiculous, and they are selling it every single day in school. If I weren't such a bubble tea lover, I would only buy it like, once a week. Exorbitant prices really turn me off sometimes but I'm always in need of a bubble tea fix. Arghhhhhhh. Hate this kind of things.

Recharging in progress

2010-10-16T00:31:00.003+08:00

The past 2 weeks have burnt me out like nothing. One deadline after another non-stop. Finally my last major assignment due is handed in already so I'm chilling a little, going home earlier when there's nothing to do, playing my DS, sleeping more... all that.

Well pretty sure after this week, things will start getting hectic again and THIS TIME, I have learnt my lesson. I will finish off my minor assignments this weekend so that I can have a headstart on the major ones.

Tomorrow is my first official AI project meeting, and guess who's the last person who joined us? Travis. Haha. When CY told me about him joining our group I was quite stunned, and my reasons for being stunned were proved today. He's really... quite... fierce. In the sense that he's really out to win the rest of the teams for AI. Haha but it's good la. I think the remaining weeks till November will be really busy indeed... to the point that I feel so stressed, I'm already reading up leJOS programming language to prepare for tomorrow's meeting.... =/

Just realised there's a world of emulators out there, so even if I don't have the console I can still play. The idea occurred to me when I was googling out videos to find a way to solve the damn sheep puzzle that I was stuck at. Nothing I tried works, not even those on the forums. =.= Oh well some part of me feels bad for the piracy, but ohhhhhhhh.... the joy of playing those games that are out of your reach! Makes me happy to think about it =D

Now that I have "some" time to myself, shall draw up a proper schedule to manage my deadlines. Off to do it now, toodles and have a great weekend guys =)

what have i been doing on a thursday.

2010-10-08T02:24:00.002+08:00

woke up late, shamefully not from work but due to watching too much anime -__-. and i missed my tutorial which I was supposed to present... haiz.

attended AI tutorial and game dev. didn't absorb much. played my ds after lessons till I had to go home for family dinner. continued playing ds after dinner till midnight and here i am typing on my blog. i need to start work.... i need discipline! RAWR

currently im playing "the world ends with you". It's quite fun, and I liked the progression of the plot and battle system, as well as the whole theme and concepts. Daniel peeped into my screen while I was playing and said it was a bore, but I thought it was pretty fun. I guess different people have different likes. Just because he said it was a bore doesn't mean that it's a lousy game right? And Sheng, always wanting to display his "broad otaku and gaming knowledge", yeah I know he plays games more than me, but honestly I don't really listen to his opinions because I think he doesn't know how to appreciate many aspects of games. In fact, I think there are many people who don't. I have yet to find someone who truly appreciates game/anime music in club. I think my collection of BGM , although quite pathetic has already outstripped everyone elses' because simply, they think it's a bore to have no vocals(most of the time). They only know how to go "OMG IT'S ONE WINGED ANGEL SEPHIROTH ROXXORZ" which I truly think is overrated. It is a magnificent track, and for that scene in the game it was the perfect match. But again, it is too overrated in the sense. When I try to show some people game music that I felt was even better than that, like Kingdom Heart's "Destati", they just end up uninterested. Heck, it wasn't even 30 seconds into the BGM before they asked to change songs.

Soundtracks are not just about the lead/ending songs. I feel that one should also listen and try to appreciate the tracks that are played throughout the game or anime to get a feel of how the person or situation was portrayed, to really FEEL how it is like to be in the game. I have listened to countless wonderful soundtracks throughout my life as a gamer and an otaku(a bit la), and I really find it distasteful when people only compare how good games and anime can get through their graphics and how "entertaining/boring " it is. Whatever happened to people who could appreciate the novelty of their battle systems? The plot, how they planned the sequence of events, character development, the combination and customization of teams and inventories? Nowadays, all people can think of is just "power levelling", which has become the epitome of Maplestory, a game which I have already quit.

I was a mindless grinder once, and deep down inside I suppose there is still a part of me that willingly grinds just to level up, just to unlock every single bonus, get every single extra ending out there like any typical fan. But I would like to think I'm not so superficial. The hours I spent training on my Bishop in Maple, I also took the time to check out their BGMs, trying out their quests, admiring how they have done their pixel art so well, the concepts they have tried to take in, towns and jobs they created. I love everything, the entire process of creating games to make them so enjoyable for people like me. So it saddens me to find people like those in club who do not fully appreciate such things, and still aim to create games with that kind of attitude. Even if I am not qualified with my lupsup skills to create games, and that they did in the end, I would still think that way.

I need to get this out of my system.

2010-10-06T00:16:00.002+08:00

Before you boast, have some decency to look at what you fail in.

I can daresay that I have never boasted openly in front of others how good I am. Or at the very least, I would tend to give a strong opinion on things which I am good at. But never have I said that I am "better than you" unless someone pissed me off or if they asked me that question because I believe that if one is good, it will show naturally without having to say.

And it never fails to irritate me (or more recently it does) when people start to compare about how smart a person is to me. Look, I know what I suck in, and what I don't. I'm ok with people making fun of my inability to do subjects like physics, I don't really let it get to me because I don't care anyway, but that doesn't make me stupid. Please don't make it as if I have no ability to excel in anything else. And sometimes, some people just get carried away and the whole conversation just becomes insulting to my dignity as a person who has a brain, literally and figuratively and possess some skills.

And even more I scorn at people who say in front of me that they think they are "smarter than me", because there is never a single person who is smarter than any other in every aspect. We all have our strengths and abilities. Just like how a person is good in English, he or she may be bad in Science. What's the big boasting of how great you are in general when you have your own areas that you do not excel in? I really do not understand just how much of an ego boost these people need. Usually, I would just smile and let the person rant whatever they want, but the condescending way (it felt to me) he/she talked just made me pissed. Want to compare, please start on EQUAL grounds and compare. Please don't take only the areas that you are strong in and simply say that others are not smart, because that's a shitload of bull and I'm not taking it. Please don't factor in the fucking obvious bias-ness that is spilling out of your perspective to judge as well. Also, please take a good look at whether people WANT or people CAN excel. There can be people who have the ability to do well, but due to external factors that doesn't mean they are not as good as you, it's just that they didn't put in the right effort and get judged superficially.

I know that sometimes I criticize people for their inability to do something well, or make certain remarks that may not go well with people but I always try and refrain from saying. That and that I know that everyone has different strengths so I should not judge them on the whole just like that (unless I make a joke or suan them for fun).

Seriously, take a good look at yourself before you start to say you are smart.

screwed.

2010-10-05T02:22:00.002+08:00

Argghhhhhhhhhhhhh my GPU midterm is doubly screwed. I was so frustrated with my inability to write out the code even though I KNEW what I needed to do. It's that frustrating to try and grope around blindly, writing out and rubbing off the code over and over on the paper. And in the end, I handed a very sorry looking answer script that was mostly blank (for the coding parts) while emotionally shedding a tear in my heart ;_; please have mercy on me Prof Low.

Suddenly lots of money issues coming up. Desktop broke down, need to pay hp bills, school fees, money for outings, printer no ink etcetc... I can't wait for the year end to come till I can take out the money that I locked away. Underestimated the spending I'm doing this year. =( Shall cut down on my suppers and outings I guess.... anyway, I do believe I'm gaining quite a lot of weight due to this. Kns.

Currently watching K-on right now. Although I'm a sucker for fantasy/romance themes, this one managed to attract my attention and got me to sit down and keep watching it, which is an impressive feat. That and that it was so random and funny. My all time favourite is still Gintama though. Left with around 4 more episodes before I finish the 1st season...

Just finished and submitted 2 assignments due in a few hours' time, and decided to spend some time to relax. Makes me feel happier to chill for awhile in my own room :) It feels good to finally go home normally... like, going home when there is STILL bus service. Haha. What I lack is bubble tea to get into seventh heaven... will try getting it tomorrow? Tmr's going to be awesome: I only have stats lecture, no more lab for modelling, this week's even week so no japanese studies tutorial! More time to do my lab assignment for game dev. (k i sound like a workaholic...)

3am, nights all :)

reconstruction

2010-10-03T14:21:00.003+08:00

im playing around with my blogskin. don't know css but after looking through the template code it seems quite ok. will try to fiddle around with it more during december holidays.

shall leave the hideous/freaking huge picture on top. yes i know it does not suit the background at all and it's quite random given that the whole theme was cutesy and this is not, but it was just a random picture I uploaded and tried out. It'll probably stay that way forever till I'm free again to pick up blogskin editing...

um. ok i should get on with studying... gpu midterm tmr. it's open book and i've run out of printer ink to print my notes =/ had to ask my dad to buy one on the way home and i'm just waiting for it now... and i'm really famished

this might be a bit random but when i woke up today and re-read my facebook status (I wrote "some things will always be memories") I was like, what the hell was I doing? So damn emo haha.

cobwebs.

2010-10-03T02:48:00.005+08:00

It's been way too long since I last visited my blog. Many times, I remember it's existence, but many times, I choose not to re-read its contents or update posts because of the memories.

I do not know whether I have moved on or not. My heart twists painfully at some points as I read through my old posts, these memories I have written here. The saving point of this was that this has always been the way it was between us. My lifestyle has not changed a single bit ever since the parting of ways, and this was because it has always been that way even though we were together. It makes it easier to cope somehow. Thinking back, that's really very sad to see, a relationship like this and if it is of any comfort, it was a good decision done by Kevin after all, because I would probably just hang on even though the relationship was way past the expiry date. It was a good wake up call for me.

Many times, I tell myself that memories are memories. I write them here as keepsakes, just like how I can't even bear to throw away my primary school birthday presents which was like more than 10 years ago. I'm happy that although I hardly update anymore, I decided to create this blog (on a whim initially) and make the effort to pour my thoughts into it. I'm not one who excels in writing a diary or a blog though. Somehow at the end of the day I find it tiring to go through the sequence of events of the day, unless it was something that had a huge impact on my life.

Why am I updating? I suppose it's just the mood I get sitting down in my room, with the steady patter of rain outside.. I've been quite busy lately, in the sense that I'm trying to catch up with all my friends, past and present and make new ones, and of course striving for certain goals in life. Honestly it is not easy to face my JC classmates, because that was where we met. I can tell that he avoids our outings like plague. It's easy to tell the reason, but of course, I would not know what was it that he feels to act like this. It could be that he felt guilty after the very thorough telling off I gave to him when we broke up (where I simply just whacked bad point after bad point about him... I wince when I think of that. Too harsh but I felt it was necessary ) , it could be because he just feels awkward and thinks that we should not talk to each other until time passes, well it could be millions of reasons. Whatever it is that he feels, I suppose it doesn't concern me anymore. I accept the reality of the situation, and I want to move on. I regularly attend my JC outings because I still treasure them as my friends. I'm doing it for myself and nothing more. Sometimes, it gets a little tired to maintain an uncaring face when he's around, to encourage myself to try and enjoy the outing, to know that they don't talk but have many questions about what has happened but time will pass and everything will just die down. And thankfully it is going that way.

I'm not trying hard to forget whatever that has happened in the past. They are, of course an integral part of me that has shaped my life. Whatever we had done together, I vividly remember. But memories are memories and they are going to stay that way forever. Of course, I will not proudly proclaim that I can meet him face to face and hold a normal conversation, but I'm glad that this has not hindered me in what I want to do.

Honestly it's odd, to write and praise/evaluate myself for how much I'm moving on. If I had to critique myself, I would probably say that people who have truly moved on would not even bother to write to tell themselves they have moved on, because it would show that they are merely trying to deceive themselves from reality and are still struggling. But ever since then, I feel a little emotionally detached, in the sense that I am not so emphatic towards things and I tend to handle my emotions a little more awkwardly, or should I say, logic > emotion (even though my CS1231 sucks big time). Maybe it's because I have started to view many things from a new perspective and am not experienced in handling the situation that way... I do not know. I'll just treat it as a learning process of rediscovering life then. And not to worry, I am absolutely NOT turning psychotic, demented, in need of counseling or other bullshit. I am perfectly normal, I just need some time to cope with new stuff that's coming up, but if you are truly concerned I appreciate that and thank you sincerely. But yeah, just know that I'm fine =)

Ok emo-ing shit aside, I'll try to make this blog a little less gloomy. I quite enjoy catching up with my friends, and it made me realise how much I have neglected the people around me, which again I regret. However it's a little hard to catch up without $$... haha I can't wait to graduate to get a real part time job =( My game artist aspiration is currently put on hold because of the slew of deadlines and tests that are just.... beyond madness. Next week I have around 4 deadlines on consecutive days, and I foresee a very jialat week of less sleep, hair-tearing(figurative) and the feeling of wanting to punch the lecturer. I hope when the exams end and december holidays come I can resume all the things I want to do.... which is quite a bit of stuff.

And annoyingly, my sister is jumping on me about guys that I happen to take photos with and post on my FB. Well as a sister, I can understand that she wants me to be happy but aiyah. I'm not going to tell her off, but where got people so fast get bf one -_- ... haha. And I realise people always keep trying to stir shit between me and random guys in our circles. Maybe they tried last time but always fail because I too oblivious when I was with Kevin, HAHAHAHA. It's quite funny really, but sometimes it gets awkward and I don't know what to say especially if the guy was present, even though it's amusing they think that way.

Chris says I'm a lot less grumpy this semester. I was surprised when I heard it, but when I thought about it I agree with him. That was because when I was still with kev, during the period of time when things were not going well (which is often) I tended to get really moody and irritated easily. After the break up, my mood naturally lifted. Frankly, yes the relationship was not helping me at all, but he's not the sole person to blame. I thank him for giving me a wake up call and thankfully I turned out to be a happier person. And I wish that he has of course become a happier person as well, moving on, finding new joys in life.

Enough ranting. I told myself to sleep 1 hour ago... god -_-. Minna, oyasumi. (omg I know how to write that in japanese, awesomesauce!)

never again

2010-08-29T03:26:00.002+08:00

After reading the last email, I moved it to the folder and told myself to never read it again.

And so it ends.

2010-06-25T10:04:00.003+08:00

We finally broke up.

In a way, I should have seen it coming, but I refused to give up thinking that one day things would turn out right again. I had always believed that one day, he would change and realise what I had tried so hard to do for him. But at the end of the day, everything just ended right there when he initiated the break up.

As usual, it was the want to meet up but he doesn't want to cuz he's tired syndrome. We had not seen each other for 1 week already, and I badly missed him. So when he said we probably would not meet for the rest of the day I was so disappointed. I would understand that perhaps meeting for breakfast when he ended work at 3am might be too tiring for him, so I thought he would at least want to meet up in the afternoon after his sleep, before he went for work. But no it didn't happen, all he told me was "Guess not" when I asked him if we would meet. That was when finally, the accumulation of fustration and upset just welled up and I told him we had not been seeing each other for so long already, 1 week, so could we just arrange some time to spend time with each other when he was free.

And the very next day, he asked to meet to talk. Once I saw what he typed on msn, I knew what was coming. I tried to convince myself that probably he agrees with me, that we should arrange a timing, that he cares enough and wanted to spend time with me too. But deep down inside, knowing him it was more likely not. I went to bed at 4+am, as I always do ever since he started working just so that I could talk to him when he reached home - but I couldn't sleep. I didn't sleep the whole night. When my dad finally woke up for breakfast @ 6am, I immediately went to him.

My parents did all they could to comfort me. They gave me advice, they tried to tell me things, they got me out of home for breakfast. I knew they were trying hard, but I couldn't hide at the sinking feeling in my stomach, I couldn't laugh at the things they joked. I counted the hours, the minutes, the seconds to the time we had to meet - 12pm at my void deck.

12pm - I went down slightly earlier before he reached. Finally getting to see his face after 1 long week, I truly missed him. But there was already an unseen barrier between us that I could not reach out. I asked him if he had slept well, and he answered yes. But I saw the redness in his eyes. It was either he couldn't sleep as well, or that waking up so early (12 is early for him) might have caused it. If he wanted to lie, he didn't have to do so.... but I don't know whether what he said was a truth or lie.

The first thing he uttered was that he could not commit to the relationship. I knew he was going to say that. So I asked him why, and he did not answer me for 10+mins. Throughout the whole 2.5 hours talk, he only spoke a few sentences to me. He only replied to my questions once, and that was also after 10+mins after I asked that question. But there was only once where he suddenly talked. He said he had taken up smoking again, and that he did so because he needed to keep awake during the late nights while he worked. He told me that after his work ends at the end of June, he would quit it again.

I was disappointed. The first time when I caught him smoking, I was furious. He quit instantly, and even made a promise face to face that he would not do it again. And now it happens again. I was so tired, so depressed, I didn't even have the heart to get angry again. All I could do was to start tearing when I heard the news. I never imagined that after trusting him again, he could do it again. I really trusted him. I really thought that he was the kind of guy that would love me enough not to do it. I didn't know what to say. It was half resignment, half disappointment. Back when I first caught him smoking, my family did not believe me when I said he would change for the better and told me he would definitely do it again. Once a person picks up a stick, it is always easier for him to return to it again. But I didn't want to believe them because I felt that Kevin could do it, and I would be there to support him. He would not touch a stick because of me. Looking at what he said now, I really could not say anything else. To tell the truth, although it wounded my heart again, but somehow I could still believe that he would drop the stick after his job. Perhaps I loved him enough to still think that way.

So I told him what I really thought about this job of his. Initially when he said that he would be doing this, I was quite shocked. The first thing in my mind was that we would not be able to spend time together at all! And when I asked him, he actually told me, yes we wouldn't and that the money was good. At that point of time, I was really upset. The money was good? What about us? Is money that important that you don't want to spend time with me anymore? But I told myself, he might need the money, and as his girlfriend I should be there to support him. Who would have known that 1 month into it this happened. I tried so hard. I thought that since he would be so busy, I should not bother him. I tried not to SMS during his working hours as he can't reply. I only asked to meet him once a week. Everything was only me asking him to talk to me. Never once did he ask to meet me back or talk to me unless I told him he was ignoring me. And after we do, he would slide back into his own habits again. It was a never ending rollercoaster and the only reason why I could hold on to the loneliness, of waiting for him was because I loved him. After yesterday's break up, talking to other people made me realise that once a week meetups was never enough in a relationship, in fact it spelled wrong. Just like me, other people said that if he loved you enough, he would reply you back no matter how tired he was, how busy he was, he would talk to you, initiate meetups with you. And now knowing that, I am truly heartbroken to know that what I felt was right.

I asked him if he knew why we were in this kind of unhealthy relationship. The only question he replied to. He told me it's because we didn't communicate. Precisely correct, our relationship was a one-way communication. Unlike other couples, we do not like to chat on the phone. We only meetup, or msn/sms each other. I always tried not to disturb him too much as from previous talks we had, he said before he wanted personal time for himself, so I didn't want to be clingy. I wanted our relationship to work out. I told myself if our r/s could be smooth, it was worth the effort. Sometimes I get angry, but never once had I scolded him over not meeting each other as I didn't believe in forcing him. I believed that he would one day learn to appreciate what I was trying to do for him, that he would learn to do the things I had done for him. I had hoped that he would ask me out, chat with me over smses or msn, asked me how my day was.... even just a simple "hi my dear" would make me happy. I told him how heartbroken I was, to see that he would still comment on other people's facebook statuses when he get home, but would never reply to my SMSes. What was so different between using a few seconds to comment and using a few seconds to SMS? It made me feel as if I had no worth. It made me feel as if his new friends and his job, something that he only acquired recently last month was so much more important than his girlfriend of 4+ years. Where do I stand in his life? What could I do? It all boiled down to the fact that he had been communicating more with them than me. I could not see him. I could not even get him to SMS me back. His friends, he sees them everyday because of his job. He talks to them over these 12 hours. How could I fight that? I don't even get an hour with him. It was probably natural.... that it had become like this.

I asked him why he wanted this job. Why didn't he think of the consequences of how it would affect his lifestyle, his health over smoking and sleeping hours, his relationship with others. Why couldn't he think of me? Whenever I took up a job, I always made sure that I would have some days off to spend time with him. But when he takes up a job, it's just about the money and whether he has the time to go for it, never mind about spending time with me. Is money so important that he would willingly forgo me? Is it so attractive that he doesn't need me anymore? What was his priority in life? Why didn't he think of the bigger picture? Why didn't he think for me, what I had done for him?

After telling him everything, I told him at the end that I didn't want to make him guilty to say sorry. I don't want him to apologise. I just wanted him to say, a simple thank you for all the things I had done for him. But in this 2.5 hours he did not say it once, only sat there quietly, his fingers twisting about, face looking as if he was thinking and wanted to say something to me. So I waited patiently for him to answer my questions, but no answers came.

This relationship was my first. He was my first boyfriend. I wanted it to be happy. I wanted us to be happy. I tried so hard, I sacrificed so many things for him. I really thought that he would be the one in my life. Looking at this now, I feel disappointed that after giving this relationship a 2nd chance after we broke up, we ended up with the same problem again. I love him, as much as I ever did when we first start off together and it had never stopped, the feelings I had for him. But over the years I could not get him to reciprocriate enough for us to continue the way I hoped for. In some ways, I felt like a failure as a girlfriend. Last month when we had our own chalet together, I felt so in love, I felt so happy that we were together. Barely a month later, we broke up. Just one month was all it took because we did not try to communicate with each other, and because I took the wrong step in accomodating him. Maybe that was the reason why he did not love me that much as well.

When we first broke up, I cried so badly for 4 days I couldn't go to school. Now that we broke up, my heart still hurts that deeply as ever like the 1st time, but I cried a little lesser and was more rationale, enough to make this blog post. I decided to write this so that I could always remember this day in my life, this 4 years of relationship.

If you are reading this my dear, for the last time that I can call you. These 4 years had been the best in my life. Never had I loved someone even more than you. It was the 4 years that I loved the most, cried the hardest, smiled the happiest. I have tried very hard, but in the end I probably was not the right girl for you that you could willingly love back just as much. I have many regrets, but I never regretted loving you even though I am heartbroken that you did not even thank me for my efforts. Time will pass, memories may fade, feelings may have dulled. But I want to write this while I still feel it keenly. I will always remember you no matter how much the times have passed, what we did together. I hope that you will do as what you promised, quit smoking when school reopens. I hope that you can change for the better. I hope that you do well for your future. I really wish that I would be the one who could be there to continue to experience all your ups and downs, and yours to mine but if you cannot love me like how I love you, I cannot do anything else. I will miss you, your touch, your voice, your face as we have spent the times together. I love you.

Shujun

Worries

2010-06-13T22:09:00.003+08:00

Having a big bunch of worries,

1 - to survive for 3 more days before my parents come home
2 - when will my pay come in?! taking damn long la
3 - bf now works at the insane hour of 5pm-5am. If light shift, 5pm - 2am. Not like it helps. I can't see him often because of the difference in our work hours.

Although I understand that he wants to have more income (I do too), I'm a little disappointed. It's not like we talk everyday (we don't really not even a single sms unless I sms him first), and now he wants to work at incredible hours that don't even let us meet up properly and spend time together. Sometimes I'd like to question his priorities in life.

I don't need him to always have to make time for me and always be there to attend to my needs. But I believe that it is not very healthy when my bf does not bother to take the initiative to talk to me once in a while, especially at the period where he takes up this kind of midnight job while I do a day one that doesn't allow us to meet. Heck, when both of us are online on msn he doesn't bother to msn me as well. The thing I'm most angry and worried over is that when I msg him while he is working, he doesn't bother to reply at all which I understand, but at least he could just sms back a reply when he finishes work.

Well, he doesn't. It probably doesn't occur to him to do that, which to me is rather irritating because if he has that mentality that if sms during work = don't reply, then why do you think I would SMS? It's for you to take ur time to reply what. Anyway he doesn't. But if it were me, I would be still happy to reply him no matter how tired I am after work. That's how love works for me. It's not the first time already. Always, and always I will be chiding him for not bothering to communicate with him. He will always take note then, but give him a few days, a week or two and it drops back into the same routine.

passing the time away

2010-05-27T06:06:00.003+08:00

Working feels great. I mean, getting money feels awesome.

That was how I felt when I finally got my pay for the last 2 days today. At last my account doesn't look empty anymore. But right now I worry for the next job because I won't get hired (that NTU one) till July again. I don't like the feeling of floating around doing odd jobs here and there. I like stable ones but as a part timer I can't expect much. The upside about that NTU job was that the ic was pleased enough with my work to even ask me to come back during the December holidays to continue working for them. (makes me happy too) So I won't have to keep searching for another job.

Looking around, seeing people take the MRT, I start to really observe the people around me. Like the lady who carries a Coach handbag and a MiuMiu in another. Another who crams her feet into a pair of heels too small for her obviously but looks pretty expensive. Of exhausted people sleeping on the train after a day of work. That's probably how I might become someday and honestly, I feel like a very, very common person. In the sense that I'm just another plain'o fish in the sea swimming about trying to survive. Don't know. I think I should do something really enriching for myself. Ok I think it's a little abstract. But anyways, I really appreciate doing work that I like. I liked that admin job because I got to play with photoshop and pictures so it wasn't that bad. I enjoyed it so much that I didn't even mind OT-ing a little before I left. So yeah. I really hope I will get a game artist's dip and get employed doing work I enjoy. That's probably the first and most important goal for me.

Uncertainty and boredom

2010-05-23T22:32:00.002+08:00

Desktop fixed, hurray! Special thanks to ray ray, wei sheng and kevin (who says you are a computing student why don't you know these things!) and my parents.

After everything, I still have no clue as to why my desktop kept freezing, but there was an option during bootup that asked if I wanted to go to the last known working state of my computer - selected it and everything went happily ever after. I'm really happy because that very night I was feeling really handicapped with just my laptop left. Anyways, I think I will want to reformat my laptop during the vacation after all since it tends to lag (I haven't reformatted in 3 years, mind you and my warranty is expired).

Crisis aside, I have been watching youtube videos of those people doing painting in photoshop and these people are amazing. I wish I could be like them, and I really wonder how I'm going to get there. (Well if I could I would already be a shoo-in for that diploma application I think) It's a long long road.........

Tommorrow's going to be the start of my work. A little anxious, and I seriously wonder what I'm going to exactly do during work =S. And means I can't sleep late but I think I will because I'm super wide awake right now and it will probably carry on for the next few hours.

Meanwhile, I can't bear to see my atrocious drawings. And they aren't even part of my intended portfolio. argh -.-

into the future

2010-05-22T03:08:00.002+08:00

So after roughly 3 weeks of finding, I've findly secured a part time job for next Mon-Tues. If it goes well I'll get to continue it for the rest of my vacation.

This has probably be the most head scratching, anxious period of my life where I had to keep checking my emails and handphone for any new msgs, updating myself on those job forums to know the trade and all that shit. Now I know how it really feels to be unemployed and trying hard to seek for a job -_- It has come to the point where even my mother is asking me if I was going to just slack away at home for the rest of my holidays - something which I particularly dislike because I don't talk about my personal job huntings and activities to anyone including my family unless they ask me, and they end up assuming and gossiping behind my back thinking that I'm really slacking off. Since then I've told her directly to stop assuming the next time and just ask me if she had any questions about my plans for the vacation. I hope that would put a stop to this ridiculousness.

I finally got a call from the recruitment agency that I applied for, thank god. Interestingly the job's based in NTU, so I guess the environment won't be too bad. The pay's a little low (accordingly from Kevin) but I don't really mind as long as it's not too ridiculous.

Been trying to create a portfolio for the application to a diploma when I graduate. I realised it's not that easy after all. I'm not interested in a programming diploma, having gone through all that in SoC (which I obviously do not have the potential in it), so I was thinking of going into the game artist track. That would probably mean that I would be competing with accomplished artists that come from those art schools in these sort of things? Thinking about it gives me the shivers, especially when I don't even have a proper foundation for these things. I think the competition for entry would be like sky high -_- especially for those like the Digipen/Ubisoft campus program.

Perhaps this is not a surprise, but my parents were probably never supportive of my interest in this field. All my mother thinks of is that the pay is low, the work hours are long and it's a horribly lousy job that would not suffice for me. My dad doesn't say anything, but I think he may have his own reasons that would not say to me. Since secondary school, it has always been the case when I considered to go to poly to get a diploma in game art, they vehemently objected to it, even going so far to tell me there would be degrees like that in university which I stupidly followed by entering JC in the end. Well look what happened. No local university offers that kind of course that I want, and I was stupid enough to not do my homework and just blindly believed them.

At this point, I feel very angry for what they have done despite the fact that they probably want to do it in the best interest of their child. I feel disappointed that after so many years, they still go about the traditional way of enforcing the scholarly route for their children and advocate that these jobs/degrees are not going to help me in future when they don't keep up with the times and do some homework themselves. Sure, I don't expect high pay for what I want to do, I already know that it's not going to be an easy road (just my own stuff is already pouring the man-hours in especially artwork), so I think it's better to try myself since my parents are not really that enthusiastic in helping.

There's really a lot that I want to say on this, but I guess I'll just end it here. It's motivating yet depressing.

P.s.: my desktop just gave up on me. I think the graphics card is overheated to the point of no return. Hangs at the login page every. single. time.

kind soul - not

2010-04-21T10:54:00.003+08:00

if people have been following my posts regularly, i supposed you would have remembered that i once said that i attended the geog lecture in which i chopped seats for a huge bunch of people, and ended up only 2 came?

that lecture happened to be the last for geog, and usually lecturers would give out tips and all that for the exams. so now it's the study week, and i have a friend who msged me out of the blue asking me if i attended that lecture and what tips did the lecturer give.

some part of me feels a little indigant, like what? she's not really that close to me and we've never talked ever since FOW last year. another part of me was thinking, aiyah just give lor, help a bit.

which reminds me back to the stupid event where i chopped seats for everyone and none came. it made me feel that going the extra mile was really not worth it when people know that i always chop seats for them but yet didn't really appreciate the effort by not telling me they weren't coming (so that i won't get stared at). so, no to those people who i take geog with, and since i don't feel that kind, sry hi bye friend, i suppose i won't give it to you as well.

actually, it's only for this incident that i'm like that. i think if it's other modules, i wouldn't have minded giving out the info from the lecturer lor. maybe somewhere down the road in future sems, i might be lazy and not go for the last lecture. *shrugs* then i'll just deserve it lor. i think that will motivate me to go for lectures regularly lol!

p.s.: to tell the truth, the lecturer gave close to no tips. but that will be for me to know, and them to well, try to find out then.

home's a distraction

2010-04-19T15:15:00.003+08:00

CANNOT STUDY AT HOME TOO MANY DISTRACTIONS!!!!!!!! FROM NOW ON MUST GO OUT OF HOUSE TO STUDYYYYYYYY

finally

2010-04-14T01:02:00.004+08:00

I FINALLY FINISHED COMPILING MY JAPANESE STUDIES ESSAY!

words taken from 2 library books that have been flipped back to back, 2 sets of totally differently styled essays from my groupmates

multiple english corrections

multiple paraphrasings

total reorganization of points

i came home at 4pm and worked on it non-stop till 1am. now i have a terrible backache, i'm listening to a chocobo song on my music player, i'm damn hungry and i'm super tired.

i'll never volunteer doing compiling shit anymore. learnt my lesson. and now i can finally go sleep without the guilt that weighs me down all day because i haven't done anything yet. it's wonderful, having finished work and feeling some sense of achievement. now to wait for the last person to give her part to me and maybe everything can finish a day before the deadline!

oh yeah, the understanding universe term test shocked me, so many calculations. argh i wish i did more questions when i was revising the night before. hope can get at least a B.

XOXO

Mac fries

2010-04-13T01:42:00.002+08:00

Posting for posterity's sake:

My brother in law says that the new spicy macdonald fries are usually only liked by females and males don't like it. how true?!?!?!?!

in my family all the females in the household say that it's really good, while my father on the other hand, after eating a fry said "you don't know i eat original one meh" (I suppose that means a no in a rather indirect way). and yeah, my brother in law doesn't think too highly of it.

only kevin broke the record by saying it's not bad. gah.

but the spicy fries really rocks!!!

back to cramming for my test in a few hours time :)

XOXO

Procrastination is the key to success

2010-04-10T21:29:00.004+08:00

I woke up 4pm.

No actually, I woke at 12pm. Then I checked my clock, threw it on the bed and continued to sleep for another 4 hours.

.... what a complete waste of my time. What's more, half of that 4 hours was spent awake and staring blankly at my room while lying on my bed.

Finally I dragged myself off the bed, ready to do work. Instead I stared at the computer, checked my emails... watched a gintama episode or 2 till 8pm, that was when I really decided I had to self whip my motivation and start doing SOMETHING.

So yes, I finally made a post on the Japanese studies forum (that hopefully counts as 1 mark to my participation in there). and then I went to bathe. AND NOW, I. MUST. START. WORK.

My group member called me up today and after a little discussion, I realised that the essay's not in great shape. So really really I should start work, gah. Please pray that I can churn out something awfully awesome that will make my tutor's jaw drop (or at least be impressed) AND hopefully I can integrate it successfully with my member's parts. Their's are pretty much.... screwed.

Nowadays, I realised that work really can't be done quickly when I'm home. Maybe it's because the environment is so different, you don't have peers doing work beside you. And maybe because I'm too relaxed at home. It's not very comfortable in school, and so usually when I'm there I tend to try and do my work to take my mind off sitting on a damn hard bench or with the horrid coldness of the club room. Thus, usually work speeds up by at least 200%. Unfortunately, I'm quite sick of going back to school day after day, especially on Wednesdays when it's my free day. That's because I hate the trips to and fro from my house to school, unless I'm planning to stay overnight in school.

Meeting bf at 2am after his work later. I'm glad that we are finally meeting.

XOXO

Feeling better

2010-04-10T03:08:00.003+08:00

Letting it all out is always the best medicine. I mean letting it all out at the person involved. And I mean nicely.

I've learnt that raging at my bf doesn't work 10 out of 10 times, because every single time I rage at him I still feel angry at the very end and it's annoying to pull these remnents of anger out to make me feel better.

I always like to rage (it's not my nature to be nice when something makes me angry). That's because I find that sometimes being nice means overlooking certain problems in an issue which could be one of the reasons why I get angry over and sometimes, I don't see why I should be so nice when others are obviously in the wrong. Sometimes I try to think that it's a small matter, but if it means a lot to me or if it keeps recurring I'll get worked up over it eventually. However I'll try to keep it in mind to be nicer next time. (I think I will rage for quite a while before I get down to that though).

Really wish this doesn't happen again. Sigh.

On a brighter note, I finally, truely, deeply, gratefully finished my CS2105 programming assignment. Big thanks to my partner Kenny who was very hardworking (means that we don't have to slog on the last day now!) Now I'm left with my last essay which I can finally write in peace after sorting out my problems. 3 library books to read through for ideas on a Saturday alone at home -_- (family's gone out) Whee.

XOXO

rule of thumb #1: never give excuses that contradict your actions

2010-04-09T17:14:00.002+08:00

I've been very pissed since last night thanks to the boyfriend who says that exams are so important to the point where he can piss me off.

I've been very busy these 2 weeks as deadlines have been crammed together. Just from last friday to sunday, I continuously worked on my multimedia project with CY and Eliz because it was due on Monday. Even though we had started early and got up the basic codes out long ago, we realised it still wasn't enough and there was some bad organization along the way I guess. Anyway there was tons of bugs during integration and the other worked on it for the whole of Sunday while I finished up most of the report. I came home near midnight on Friday and Saturday, and that Sunday the group stayed over in school. I was damn unlucky 'cause I fell sick starting with a sore throat right after we submitted our entire project to the lecturer.

So after submission on Monday, after lessons I went home and concussed from 9pm till the next day, 9pm.

Tuesday, came to school, went for a 3 hour lecture that was super boring. At the end of the lecture I felt so sick that I went home immediately, turned in early again.

Wednesday, group presentation. I woke up with an everlasting flu and a mild fever. Came to school and I sounded so sick to myself I thought I sounded damn retarded. But never mind, so presentation came and went (I seriously hope we did ok after all the bugs that showed up -_-|||) Then apparently almost all the peeps taking graphics rendering intended to stay overnight to finish up the programing assignment that we were given. And me being not very good in graphics, I didn't have a big choice but to stay over in school and try to finish up the assignment (I knew I couldn't finish it by myself) with the rest, and at the pinnacle of my everlasting flu. God, it was the worst 24 hours I had ever experienced in my life. I used up all the tissues in the room and my nose felt so sore after all the blowing and sniffing. Did the assignment till 7am the next day.

Thursday, woke up at 10am in the student lounge, fucking sniffing and cold with only fucking 3 hours of sleep. Went for my Japanese studies lecture, and later on attended the geography one right after that. I had to chop seats for all the peeps taking that geog lecture, and none of them came except for 2. I had a fine time being stared at by people who thought there were seats only to walk up and realize they were chopped by my items. It was a bloody big hole devoid of people right smack in the centre of the row, damn obvious can.

Went to club room, finished up my assignment and turned it in early (couldn't give a shit about it anymore since basics were done). Had a group meeting for my networking programming assignment, we split up our parts and I finally went rushed home for my weekly family dinner. I was so tired during dinner I didn't feel very merry at all although I tried to stay at the table to chat a little. After all, it was family time. Finally I went back to my room, and smsed Kevin saying how he hasn't been talking to me recently.

Who knew he gave an epic msg that he was busy studying. Oh. Studying makes you so busy till you can't send a message? Ok lor. And so I sent that to him, and immediately he told me that he was going home now and if I wanted to meet him. I don't know how merrily coincidental that one moment he told me that he was busy studying, and the next moment he happened to be going home. All I felt was that if it was going to be so half hearted to the point where I have to get angry and be sarcastic until you can realize the fact that you have been ignoring your girlfriend by claiming to be so busy to not msg when you have been constantly clicking your mousehunt horn, commenting on statuses of people in your facebook, uploading new pictures and even going all the way to dye your hair, there's no point to being nice and understanding that my boyfriend is having exams in less than 20 days.

Look, it's not about being a fucking bitch and bawl that Kevin is going to have his final exams soon, it's so important but he still needs to attend to my needs. It's about the BASICS OF THE BASICS of a relationship. It's ok not to meet when I'm sick, it's ok if you need time to study, but if you can't even be bothered about asking me now and then how I'm feeling ever since I told you I was sick, if I'm getting better, or even chatting for 5 mins once in a bloody-fucking-while and instead just go out all the day with your friends to study in the late nights while not even remembering to spend time with your girlfriend... that says a lot. Gosh, people would have thought that your guy friends are your actual girlfriends, what with you seeing them like what, 4-5 times a week and me only once.

Just what the bloody fuck is going on. I'm too pissed to say anymore. And god damn it can people STOP TRYING TO LOOK INTO MY SCREEN YOU BUNCH OF BLOODY-PEEPING PRIVACY-TOMS. Where the fuck are your manners seriously?

bad mood bad attitude

2010-03-11T22:04:00.001+08:00

When I'm a bad mood, it is triggered usually by:

- not enough sleep

- not having a bath and feeling the dirt

- being very hungry

- shitty events

- shitting upcoming events

- when I just wake up (grumpy)

and when I'm in a bad mood, I tend to have a bad attitude. But I try not to show it by not talking to people. Alas for the unfortunate few that picked the wrong timing to jest/poke fun at something and shares with me/ ask me questions, they are just, well, unfortunate because that's when I become very irritated and wish they didn't bother me and all doesn't end well. All except for my boyfriend because I end up complaining to him once in a while so it doesn't seem so bad. That and that his presence makes me feel better.

Is it me, or do these people suck REALLY BAD at reading my face and actions? I would dearly appreciate if the people who have experienced my bad side occasionally know how to stay away. I'm already doing my part to stay away by not talking, so stop asking me fucking questions or whatsoever.

Grumpy. Very grumpy. Have a presentation tmr and I absolutely dread it because I think the lecturer is going to shoot my part of the code. That and because it's 9am, so it means I won't have enough sleep. Usually I'll study late in the night -_-.

Sloth

2010-02-24T02:27:00.002+08:00

Sloth, sloth, sloth, is there a sloth-less word in the dictionary? Think not.

Thanks to the guilty pleasure of forsaking the world of incomprehensible knowledge the professors brandish for the period of CNY, I have become woefully inept in doing my work. As of now, the lingering couch potato remains - think of countless hours watching manga, reading forum posts and some model's blog that I've discovered. If put to use fruitfully, I could probably have finished studying for my mid term tests scheduled for the next 3 weeks, finish my current assignments and tutorials, and even finish the ones the profs have set 2 days ago.

And now I pay for such indulgent freedom - by having to go back to school on my free day just to struggle coding for an assignment due this Thursday, and submit enough scope for my part on my GEK module project meeting on Thursday evening.

Guess it's a really lousy entry after my long absence. But hey, it's better than none! And this had better make your day dear reader because you have to survive on it for another long time!

p/s: I'm so going to take a 2 day celebration once I'm done with this bloody programming assignment. -_- It's like cs3241 - in hell mode.

XOXO

Secrecy

2010-02-18T03:21:00.003+08:00

Suddenly just remembered what wei sheng told me before, that he found my blog rather easily. Which led me to recall that Bernard found my blog before but he refused to tell me how he got it too.

And now, I find it stupid that I worried needlessly over how people found my blog because in the first place, it was linked to Eliz's blog lah -_- chey. Even if you google for it also can find lor.

So I'm contemplating whether to set a password to this blog ~~so that I can bitch about people privately~~ so that I can post in freedom.

So ma fan. Don't want already.

XOXO

Donating - when to feel the cause

2010-02-09T23:37:00.002+08:00

It was probably 1 or 2 days ago that one of my peeps in the club room asked around if anyone wanted to join in the donation drive that was happening in NUS. I said I didn't want to because I felt it was like getting ripped off.

People donate their blood for free, they store it in the blood bank. When patients need blood transfusion, they will use the blood and the hospital charges for it. Which is why I find it a piece of bullshit that if these institutions dare to ask for blood donations, they can still find it reasonable to charge for it. And it's not like their system is really transparent either. Who knows if the blood fees are already included in the medical bill long ago? It's like those departmental stores or restaurants that have discounts but actually included the base price long ago.

Then another friend stared at me, and started going :" But next time if you get into an accident, you will also need the blood what..." Seriously, WTF? Sorry to you cowards out there, please don't fucking donate your blood just because you're scared that you won't get blood next time. It reflects nothing good about your character, you are NOT kind-hearted as claimed in advertisements, you are nothing but a HYPOCRITE.

And I have to add, that particular person went on saying that they will give a special card that gives you priority in your queues in the polyclinic so that you can save time. Bloody hell. This only shows how materialistic and shallow one can be. Volunteering under the name of charity like this is a farce.

You donate to save these people man. Not because you want to save your sorry ass in the future, not because you want to get these cheapskate benefits. I have a strong personal belief that to do volunteering work, one must have the sincerity. Even if I don't want to donate, at least I know my conscience is clear. Till the day I find out that my mentality was a misconception, I probably won't donate blood. But I will still donate for other causes that I think are worthy.

Lvl 200

2010-01-26T23:10:00.002+08:00

Resolution fulfilled on the 20th of January 2010 (around 1+am)!

Some screenshots I took:

My guildmate was urging me to level on a Saturday instead, cuz I would be flooded with many pms from people and more megas. But I didn't want to because I just wanted to level asap haha.

Of course many thanks to everyone who had been a part of my maplestory journey to 200 - my dear bf, Jo, maria, the whole guild DesTInyZ which I've joined for close to 2 years and all the buddies who have trained with me thus far. And especially to my dear bf because he actually logged in and trained with me for close to 6-7 hours straight for my last level when he doesn't really play anymore <3

Indeed, it takes a lot of effort to reach 200. Throughout my 4 years of playing this online game, I've met with many ups and downs. There was indeed a period of my introvert-ness and addiction especially when I entered university and had "a lot of free time". It takes a lot to keep going despite everyone around me getting negative with me playing the game because I was too addicted and didn't keep up with my responsibilities in real life. (not in a gd way btw) It had caused friction in my relationships with my family and my bf at some point of time.

Looking back, I do dearly regret for getting so addicted with this game. Sometimes I regret at my money spent on the game, but sometimes I don't because if I didn't I would have done it anyway. On the bright side, it really did bring gaming satisfaction compared to despairing over the slow rate my exp bar was filling up. Definitely I regret shunning from my work and social life playing this game. But I never regretted playing maplestory, ever.

Let's face it. This game is virtual, it's a bunch of worthless pixels that are not worth sacrificing reality over. That I do agree, but I don't believe that abstaining from playing it is the "model" way to go. The people behind the screens that we make friends with, the emotions that we experience and the interactions we experience, they are all REAL. People can cry, laugh, fall in love, forge such strong friendships that transcend the boundaries of a virtual world. I have met up with my guildmates on several occasions, and they are a bunch of people just as normal as you and me, except that we play maplestory and you probably don't. (though my bf always thinks that they must definitely be all fat) Of that, I truely appreciated the values of having met some people who have gained my respect and learnt from in terms of values, views in life and their character.

Values? Maybe one may scoff at how maplestory would be able to do that. But it's true. Although it's a virtual world, morals over how we should act and behave bind as just as reality would. I have learnt how to be more tactful towards people in situations that I had never experienced before, be more outgoing, be kinder to others, and I got advice from adults regarding certain aspects of life. It's kind of brief, but I find it hard to describe just how much there was to gain. I won't say that maplestory is a great platform that everyone should go for because they will become a better person, because it depends on the individual. I happened to be lucky because I was introduced into a dependable guild that was mostly filled with adult players. Even though people comment that maplestory is filled with childish players (that are really kids) and that the community sucked, I always had my guild with me to not be like them but I never had the discipline that they had :'(

In the end though, taking a leaf from many of my guildmates, I took a hiatus from the game last sem because I didn't want to bring down my grades. Resetted my priorities in life and that sem went well (for once in my uni life). It was a hard lesson learnt, seeing my cap like this but I'm glad of my self improvement. So thus I learnt that if you have discipline, it's ok to play every once in a while - the hard way. I always knew that, but it was until I experienced a fall that I truely learnt.

Surprisingly though, quitting from the game for half a year had cured that itch to click and play maplestory every single time I'm free. It's only when I have nothing to do that I click on maplestory now, and even online I just leave my character there, afking. Even if I don't go onto maple, it doesn't feel like anything because I probably got used to not playing maple during my hiatus. In a sense it feels great to break free of this bind. Except for the promise that I made to people that I would attend some boss events regularly (else I would get kicked out), I could always go out freely and enjoy myself. And of course, being 200 now means that I have no reason to train ahha. (not that I want to, a bit sick of it) Now I mostly just farm a little money and logoff, or do my quests.

So more or less that ends my maplestory endless training. Of course I would still login to chat with my buddies, play a little here and there and attain those small goals that I set years back when I was still dreaming of being 200. Definitely won't sell my account. I believe I said it last year that it is a stupid move, and I think it still is. My character is mine and I don't believe anyone should claim her with just the mere offer of money.

There may be a day where maplestory closes down, or that I quit but I would always remember this experience in my life. Maybe when I have a child, I can show him/her this blog post of mine to tell him/her just how much I had gamed and what resulted. Good learning experience for him/her haha.

Sincerity

2010-01-15T17:45:00.005+08:00

Happened to read the newspaper today after so long. The headlines were talking about the Haiti earthquake that happened not too long ago. So there were the usual condolences and all that. But what made me shocked that Singapore only donated $50,000 US dollars to help the relief efforts. This definitely pales in comparison with so many other countries. I mean, they put in millions, and what, our country doesn't even put in half a million! What kind of sincerity is this. Even a letter of condolence from our president won't hide the fact that it's a paltry amount for a relief effort.

This is so embarrassing. It's not like Singapore is a poor country, we are doing well. What's $50k to them? It's as much as a 1 month salary of a few of our top ranking ministers in the country. It doesn't even make a hole in their pocket. Simply appalling. If you want to be sincere, your actions should be showing that. Don't be a hypocrite.

First day of school, AY09/10 Sem2

2010-01-12T19:24:00.002+08:00

Boring and dry aptly describes my first day of school.

As usual, the routine starts again with my Dad dragging me out of bed. I'd almost forgotten the sensation of being shaken to wake up ever since the last semester ended. Oh well, here's another sem of it.

Side note: Feel like having some root beerrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... ='(

Went to my first lesson which was 4247 (forgot the name) and the lecturer spent like, 2 hours 15 mins just talking about comp graphics basics, but on a very very detailed level. Eng chye kept going "wah this lecturer really give alot of details la". Anyways I dozed off once or twice. What a way to start my first lecture but I realllllllllllllly tried to stay awake and listen to him ok! Anyway the lecturer seems quite good, but it's a little early to judge.

Later went for Understanding the Universe lecture, which I don't know what to say. It's so boring -_- The slides only had pictures, which means we had to listen to what she said, but there also wasn't much content in her speech either. And her english was.... not very good. I can't remember the way she pronounced "faculty" but the whole LT was full of giggles when she said that. As usual, I feel asleep 30 minutes into the lecture because it was really too boring. Even the person on my right fell asleep too. And it's only the first lecture omgggggggggg!!!!!!!!!

Had dinner with the class peeps at Sumo House. Is it me or is the quality of their food dropping? -_-

Ahhhh so busy. Textbooks to buy, modules to bid for (just finished and I got them wa hahah. Now I have 7 modules and I don't know which to drop -_-), schedules to be drawn up, notes to be printed. Feels good to be back in school amazingly, at least I'm doing some useful stuff and keeping myself busy.

XOXO

Batam

2010-01-11T23:19:00.003+08:00

Just returned from Batam! This is the last holiday getaway I'm having before I return to school. Went with some of the class guys and girls :)

There's really not much Batam has to offer - the shopping's horrible (fashion wise, but at least there were shoes of my size though I didn't buy), many things were repeated, the food was alright (cheap), not much entertainment. At least we tried the massage and spa, those were good! For the massage, it was 1.5 hours and those staff really massaged from head to toe. Been having stiff shoulders for quite some time so it was good to have it :) I loved the part where they twisted my neck and waist, when there was the cracking sound it was SHIIIIIOOOOOOOOKKKKKK LA. Hahhaha!

2nd day I had the spa, for 2 hours we get a massage, body scrub, sauna and a bubble bath. Was a very interesting experience for me because it was my first time having a spa! I wouldn't mind going back to Batam just for that again :) And hahaha they actually gave tummy fat reducing pills at the end of the spa with some ginger tea, and of course we ate it straightaway even though we knew it wouldn't work!

I didn't really like walking along the pavement beside the roads in Batam, because they were horribly rundown and dirty, and traffic was worse than what I had experience in BKK. The smell was often foul, and I found the place quite miserable somehow. You always see those shops that look so isolated and dirty, you'd wonder how can people make a living here. Shopping malls over there usually have only a few people wandering around, even though it's a weekend. Wonder what do the residents of Batam do really.

This time round, the guys probably shopped more than us girls because there was really nothing that we liked. (at least for me) The clothes were of quite bad quality, the price is not that cheap as well sometimes - I would rather fly back to BKK and have a nicer time shopping for my clothes. And I didn't buy the Ralph Lauren shirts that I said I wanted because I still found them expensive - SGD$60 for a shirt, that's still expensive to me even though they told me Singapore sells them for double the price. Saw some shirts that were funny, but after being in BKK recently, looking at their price tag of SGD$10 puts me off. =( So for first timers, never ever go to BKK before u go to Batam because you will end up comparing prices everywhere you go and you'll never buy anything in the end.

Finally had A&W again! Honestly, I expected more from it. The root beer was standard. Having it as a float however was very different from BKK's A&W. BKK's ice cream was the normal ice cream that you could find in any supermart, and it was scooped whereas Batam's was using those smoothie machines that you see in Singapore mac, you know those soft serve and they will just squeeze out one small round on the top of the mug -__- Food portions were quite small and I don't think it was worth if for the price, even if it was cheaper than Singapore's fast food. The waffle was good though. And the prices on their menu was all before tax, tricked me into thinking that it was really dirt cheap ='(

Ok BKK is still much better, but I wouldn't mind going back to Batam just for the massage and spa again! Andddddd school's starting tomorrow.... (technically I skipped Monday lessons) gotta try and turn in early.

XOXO

CORS

2010-01-08T07:02:00.002+08:00

CORS suck for all the reasons that do not make it valid yet it irritates me to no end.

Firstly it was the password changing crap, then it was the clash of lecture slots, and the final straw would be that I forgot that round 2A closes at 5pm and only realised it at 5.22pm. Thank god I bidded for at least 1 GEK.

Spent roughly 3-4 hours replanning my modules and checking to see what's OK. And now I can't sleep cuz bidding's gonna open at 9am and it's 7.05am now!!!!!!!!! (though I shall admit to the fact that I took a break and spent the time reading comics)

I guess today's badminton won't be that enjoyable, but at least everyone's still coming which is nice. Anyway I don't think I have that much energy to run for the ball.

I should serioussssssssssssssssssly get down to adjusting back for school.

More randomness: Levelled to 197 this morning at 2am. Figured I can make it to 200 on Friday if I'm punctual for my trainings lol.

Going to Batam tomorrow till school reopens!

Some article on CLEO says that women tend to only blog things when they have nothing to do, that's so not true lor. I could have spent the time reading more comics... erm ok. Not really any better. But the part where it says that women don't have the discipline to maintain a blog is quite true, at least for my case haha.

Back to comic reading,
XOXO

2010

2010-01-04T03:48:00.003+08:00

Happy 2010 to all who still bother to come in here once in a blue moon.

As part of the festive celebration, I've finally decided to make a post on my blog (although a tad late) to mark the occasion.

Well let's see. I didn't really do much for my holidays. Basically I chilled, slack, goofed and grew fat. (Yes i think I did) Not particularly something to look back fondly on as the school sem starts once more.

So yes, some new year resolutions are needed!

1. Get a part time job, earn some cash to feed myself.

2. Finish off my maplestory character (I'm back yeah. Currently 195. 5 more levels to go!) hopefully by the end of jan 2010.

3. EXERCISEEEEEEEEEEE.

4. Not sleeping so late (but I like the night some how)

5. Clean up my room and get a brand new diary before half the year is gone without me realising. (honestly what kind of resolution is this?)

6. Start doing my portfolio (high time)

7. Study more (yes my dear I suppose I've not been studying THAT hard after all)

8. Upgrade susu's equips. (quite optional, I doubt if I would play so much after I finish my levelling)

9. Think about my future (really, really, really vague. is this considered a proper new year resolution?)

10. Maintain this shabby blog. (i'll try... )

For other impromptu resolutions I'll update if I remember them.

_____________________________________________________________

Well the countdown to the new year was relatively quiet for me. Basically I played a bit of maple and determined not to countdown right in front of my computer, I went to switch on the TV but it was in vain. I couldn't find the right buttons to switch to the darn local channels that were doing countdowns because I haven't touched the TV for ages. By the time I found the right channel, it was 10 mins past midnight on the 1st of Jan 2010 -_-. My parents would be the gurus in this but unfortunately they weren't home. Went out for some neighbourhood gathering party. See, even my parents are more hip than me this year!

Kev had to work overnight during the countdown, and there wasn't any JC gathering (unlike what I told chef). Sorry I lied! But I didn't really want people to keep asking me whyyyyyyyyy (*using an andrew tune*) if I told them I didnt want to go. It's kind of troublesome to explain myself. Anyways if people are dying to know, it's just that school's reopening and I'll probably see my coursemates like, almost every day. So... it's a bit of an overload for me to even countdown with them. Not that I dislike their presence though.

_____________________________________________

*impromptu resolution* UPLOAD MY BANGKOK TRIP PICS AND VIDS! That's number 11.

XOXO

9

2009-09-24T01:59:00.003+08:00

9's awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Everyone who went to the cinema together can testify that! Though Jo says the plot's too simple but for me it's just exciting! You never know what will happen to them, it's so scary. I could never be like 9 though, I'll just shriek and hide away.

I feel very lucky to have my dad as, well, my dad. Just had one of our longest heart to heart talks about anything under the sun. He made me understand many things, to learn, to do in life, in love, in work. It may sound really simple as you read it, but it's actually a lot more deeper than that... but that's private, ah haha.

Feel much better now, as if an emotional burden was lifted. When was the last time I felt this way? Must have been ages ago.

Stuff

2009-09-22T21:56:00.002+08:00

I'm not a Jay Chou fan but I've been hooked on 2 of his songs, because I think the tunes are really nice! And I like the way he sings his voice in high pitch, just too cool somehow hahahhaha.

Just had my project meeting and I left with a headache. I feel like a noob -_-. And I realise, I'm quite the introvert. I can't open up freely like how I used to anymore. Not only on this blog, but in front of people as well.

Not a recess week

2009-09-22T00:01:00.002+08:00

Recess week doesn't feel like recess week anymore :( Everyday there's always something, and I can't possibly refuse them because it's either:

1. School work related
2. Haven't seen the peeps for so long
3. Something I badly need to do
4. Birthday parties

I feel like searching for work to finance my spending. Not that I'm spending much, I'm actually cutting down by only spending on food and transport only. However sometimes I just want to spend on some wants to make myself happy and that needs ka-ching, quite a bit of it. Problem here is that I can't really work too much since I'm taking 6 modules. Problem indeed. So... too bad :(

Recess Week is here!

2009-09-20T14:40:00.002+08:00

Recess week couldn't have come at a better timing than this, when I'm seriously swamped with deadlines and need to stop going to school everyday. So hooray!!! :D

Guess the most interesting thing that happened for the week was that right after I blogged about the laptop case that I didn't get, my sis called me and told me she was getting one for me right now, and YES IT'S JAPANESE PRINTS TOO! What a totally surprising coincidence! Was so excited, I told her OK straightaway.

Came home and tadah! It was sitting on my table, and it was a perfect fit! *hugs* Really really happy hohoho! That's one wish fulfilled :)

Today's going to be my slack and relax day, gonna pack up my room. It's in dire need of a fix. So toodles everyone, for the NUS peeps: enjoy your break (and study). For the NTU peeps: Not to worry one more week to go :) For the rest: erm... have fun!

Toodles~

Awww

2009-09-18T11:41:00.002+08:00

Passed by Central Forum this morning and I saw a booth selling laptop cases with Japanese prints!!!!!!!

Was so excited, I ran to buy my Mac breakfast and quickly came back. Found a really pretty print but unfortunately, it didn't fit my laptop and the other designs were not too nice... :'( WHAT A PITY . The seller said she would enquire about other designs for the larger sized cases so that she could bring them the next time. Can't wait!

Whenever I have to go for my maths class at science, it ALWAYS RAINS. And when you are at the other end of school and it's pouring so heavily, you end up having no mood to go. Seriously, it seems like I have no affinity with my science classes...

My first pair of crocs

2009-09-18T01:00:00.003+08:00

I just got my first pair of crocs, and it's awesome because it's so darn light! The price tag is pretty hefty but luckily my mum nicely "sponsored" me half of it so I don't feel the pain.

Had training tonight, and I don't know how I'm going to survive through Saturday's IFG. I mean it was bad enough that I couldn't walk properly for a few days following the prelims last Saturday, but that sorted out with time. Now I'm having problems running or walking up the stairs (and a little for going down) because I can't exert any pressure on the muscles of my right thigh else I'll just... *strangled gargle* Going to see some Chinese doctor, I hope it will work in time for this Sat.

@ Subby: yeah I don't do so now, unless there's something inside me that's dying to be spoken out. In which, nothing much else for the fact that recess break is here. It's much needed, but not exactly a whoopee. >_>

A new post

2009-09-16T14:56:00.003+08:00

I'm starting to think that Facebook is getting too hyped up. I know it's weird, but sometimes I just want to let out stuff inside me using status messages without people asking too much. Facebook doesn't give me that privilege.

Till I feel like updating again, toodles everyone.

NO UPDATE

2009-07-26T01:34:00.002+08:00

I WILL NOT BE UPDATING FOR THE MOMENT, BUSY.

The mentality with donations

2009-07-21T12:44:00.003+08:00

It only struck me today to blog about it after the 3rd time this happens.

Anyways, was going home from sch as usual, and went to buy my fav bubble tea (whee) and some lunch to eat at home. Walking to the bus station, there was a girl who stopped me and asked for a donation.

Usually I don't like ticket donations, because they involve some obscenely huge amount(huge for a donation IMO)I asked who was she doing it for and she said it was for SMU CIP.

Wah it really brings back memories of my NUSSU Flag Day - was hell. This girl is so lucky, the whole Jurong interchange only have her walking around trying to sell the tickets. When I was doing my Flag Day, it was competition everywhere. Students vied to get the best hotspots, and there were so many of us that when you ask people to donate, everyone says they donated already -_-|||

Anyway so in the end I donated that $2 for a ticket that I probably wouldn't use. She was really happy at selling off another ticket, who wouldn't? If you ask me to choose between shit work and CIP, I would choose shit work unless that shit work is really too shitty to be done. I bet that out of the whole Singapore student population, only 10% would bother to volunteer to do this kind of things. No wonder it's mandatory for all the students now (except for uni level cuz I doubt if NUS makes it compulsory, but SMU is I think).

Which again comes to the point - I'm in essence just donating to help that poor girl clock her CIP hours and finish her task so that she can go and do her own things. My mum has always tried to instill a sense of duty to donate to the needy whenever I can, but I don't think it worked too effectively in the end because as I grew up, I thought it was rather stupid to just donate blindly to anyone I see. Furthermore, I didn't really feel very gracious to be throwing out my money so easily just because it's under a name of charity. There had to be more than just that to donate. If I don't have the real heart to do it, I feel like I'm a hypocrite, someone who just wants to donate to look good in front of others.

Right now, all the times I've donated was only because people bothered to make the effort to ask me (should applaude them for the effort), and because it made me remember how tough it is to get donations after numerous scams have plagued the charity scene even up till now. So I donate as a erm... ex- fellow- helper.

Speaking of effort, a certain relative of mine called up my house one day wanting to speak with my mum. My sister took the call instead. Turns out his daughter was selling tickets for her school and he asked if we could buy for her. After ending the call, my sister told us and me and mama's reaction was immediate.

"Huh! Buy tickets again? How many times already!"

What made us jump was because time and time again, our relative kept persuading us to buy tickets to support his child's school raising fund. That's the thing with prestigous schools. They have god-knows how many alumni and wealthy parents supporting them backstage, but the kids still have to sell tickets to raise more money for them. As if they weren't rich enough already, look at their school facilities. (*snort*) The worse thing is if they can't sell it off, usually they are forced to buy the rest of the unsold tickets. Then the school will probably go "yadayada we sold off all the tickets thanks for your great support and love for the school!" Bullshit.

I have never attended a prestigous school, not even up till JC. All were neighbourhood schools. But at least when we do fund raising, they never forced us to buy all the unsold tickets, at the most only persuade us to "try harder". I still remember while selling the tickets for JJC, it was ok to return the unsold tickets, I saw people collecting them at a booth. Ok la given that usually there are more people who aren't so rich in neighbour schools, but still it's outrageous to force people to buy all of them. This is not the attitude one should have to face when helping to sell tickets - because it's a you-pay-or-I-pay-and-school-still-wins situation. So unfair right?

But what I was most against was the fact that my uncle actually had to call on behalf of my cousin. What is so embarrassing (if any) to ask us directly herself? If she can so freely claim to be a student of a prestigous school, what's so hard to sell tickets from her school then? Suddenly turn shy? She's a teenager, with capacity to think and act on her own but ends up having to get her father to do the job for her. Personally I feel that this is more of a humiliation than having to beg her relatives to buy her tickets.

Well, good luck to her at any rate. I sincerely hope she can sell off those tickets, but with more effort.

Moving on...

2009-07-19T17:43:00.002+08:00

Tired.

I just texted. Hope everything will come out ok. Really nervous.

Chinese

2009-07-17T11:43:00.004+08:00

Forgot to blog it out yesterday.

I was walking to the bus stop after lecture ended, and met with a woman on the way. She was around 40-50 I guess.

So we met, and she stopped me to ask me something.

Then she opened her mouth to fire off a question(presumably about NUS), but paused, and instead asked me "Do you know how to speak Chinese? (In chinese)"

I was really stumped. For a moment I didn't know what to respond until I finally said "Ya (in english lol)."

Then we proceeded to get on with the technical stuff (directing her to PGP and all that) and we parted.

This was a really short incident but it really left me thinking deeply. I guess in a way this reflects how our generation of citizens are gradually seen "abandoning our roots" as so many people claim (especially the older generation). So many people think that in the course for global education, the young generation has discarded the mother tongue in favour for english. Well it does not help that our education is also mainly taught using english.

I read the report in today's newspapers about how Malaysia was going to convert back to making mother tongues the first language in their education system, 6 years after making english the first. My first thought about it was: That's not very good, how to remain globally competitive when these people want to look for a job? Maybe in Malaysia ok, but outside the country or in foreign companies, it will be very hard. However I realised for a huge country to be compared to Singapore is probably not a very fair judgement. Singapore is small to begin with, which makes it easy to administer and control their education policies easily. In Malaysia's case, starting a "english first" policy in their education system was probably a disaster waiting to happen with the severe lack of english-proficient teachers available. That and children who already started learning in their mother tongues really struggle to keep up with the change.

Ok this has probably derailed A LOT. Just wanted to make a point that despite all the criticsms people can say about Singapore giving huge emphasis on english, the govt has made a good point which nobody can reject. The Westerners were the superpowers of history and even till now, it makes sense that we move to their rythmn. In a way, I feel relieved that I'm learning english more than chinese.

Don't say that I'm "throwing away my roots", I'll roll my eyes at you. Maybe I'm not that proficient in Chinese anyway (I'll admit it, it's a little hard for me to remember the characters when I write occasionally and I don't talk too well), but language isn't everything. There are many other things that can signify my ethnicity. Things like consuming Chinese cuisine almost everyday (although I have my western cravings occasionally), watching Chinese shows (yes I do but I just don't tell you. But local shows are really terrible), praying at the temple (I'm not a buddhist anymore but I still do it), believing in Chinese superstitions (which are plain silly, sometimes I tell myself not to do it but I end up doing anyway), celebrating Chinese New Year or other Chinese festivals (mooncake festival! <3) - don't tell me I'm not a Chinese?

Saying that since you don't speak Chinese = abandoning Chinese roots is as good as saying since you learn Korean, you have Korean roots! If that's the case, swee man I go learn Japanese now. I'll throw away all my Chinese customs and be one with Japan. Only then can you say I'm abandoning my roots ok?

But I'm not. I'm still in Singapore, living life like any ordinary average Chinese here. So people who are lambasting our generation as root abandoners(lol at this term I'm using), maybe you should take a step back and think about it. Indeed language is one of the basic building blocks of being Chinese, but I don't think it equates to everything.

Besides, I CAN speak Chinese anyway, just not as well as expected. Gah.

Hougang and Potong Pasir gets lift upgrading!

2009-07-16T16:46:00.003+08:00

I don't really comment on politics. But maybe since I'm 21 already, I'll comment a little! (and hope I get a change to exercise my right to vote)

Story found... in the ST newspaper I read 1 or 2 days ago.

Short summary for the lazy people:
- These 2 are known as the opposition wards
- They actually managed to get lift upgrading finally (never thought I would see the day actually)
- *hint hint* Election is drawing near when you see carrots

Great news for the old folks although they have to endure years of endless drilling everyday. Papa was saying, how come never do for Jurong East? Our blocks are also very old. Frankly speaking, I would rather they do the lift upgrading after I graduate so I can study in peace. So no complaints with me.

But ANYWAYS, I just find it really weird. Firstly such projects like your lift upgrading programme - I think it's fair to say it's a public right to have it (with our aging population + they HAVE to use taxpayers' money for us anyway), and it's fair to say that the government is supposed to work on it. True enough, PAP forms the majority of the government, but to ~~deny~~ say-its-not-your-turn-yet-for-goodness-knows-how-many-years seems rather unfair. I haven't visited Hougang or Potong Pasir often (I could say only twice in my life), but from what I hear from my peers, the estates seem to be more rundown than my own in Jurong East - doesn't that signal an urgent need for something to be done? Incompetency? Inefficiency? Or just deliberate ignorance? I wonder. The money is the public's money, but yet there is no equality in receiving the end product of paying all our taxes to the government, which is supposed to represent Singapore as a country and not as PAP alone.

In short: PAP uses our public funds to gain our votes? Hmmm. I hope residents over there don't get tricked into voting PAP just because of this, because it has always been their right to have lift upgradings in the first place irregardless of who they vote for. Would be very stupid if your MP is from the opposition, and he tried so hard to get the lift upgrading for you but you go thank the PAP for giving you the lift.

In fact, I don't even know if the opposition MPs finally managed to secure the agreement through 100% hard work, or if it was just coincidental that someone wanted to put carrots for the 'rebellious rabbits' out there in some part of Singapore. Sorry I forgot, this year got low construction costs also, how could they miss the opportunity!

Just some food for thought.

Wishlist update

2009-07-02T20:08:00.005+08:00

Just a little update on my wishlist. Meant to do so like ages ago, but I forget every single time.

Anyways as usual I visited the anime shop at the top floor when I went to Far East @ Orchard a few weeks ago to try out my bridesmaid dress. (sis getting married)

So I was there looking about and I saw the figurine that I always wanted! Actually I have quite a few figurines I want but they usually have to be pre-ordered, like my Saber figurine. Anyways the shop keeper actually brought in it, so I was really excited :D

Soooooo *hint hint* whoever wants to get me a bdae present, you can consider this! I couldn't find the exact name(too lazy actually) but...

ta dah! It's the girl in white. Ignore the other 3. If I remember correct it's the 1/6 version. So yeahhhhhhhhh you can consider this as my present! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDD The series is mecha musume.

Toodles~

p.s. oh just a note, someone's getting me a hard disk already, so all the more you should consider this as my present!!! hahahaha

Personal

2009-06-29T20:02:00.007+08:00

Yesterday marked the end of CGF'09, which in my opinion was a much better-held competition than last year. As usual, the finals were exciting :) Hopefully, next year's CGF will be bigger and better!

----------

So it was when the competition ended, and I went upstairs to get away from the crowd that Peide asked me if I was interested in joining Rag dance this year (even when I never said I was free after CGF). Although this is the usual trend that all SOCians face(trying to and being asked to join RnF), for the first time it's people asking me to join instead of the reverse.

I think I can understand how those people who were being asked felt whenever raggers "pester" them. But unlike some people, I don't beat around the bush. If I say no, I mean it. I never ever make promises which I cannot keep like saying if XXX joins I will join or what shit. All those times people asked me to join from the previous float session I went, I only said I would see how my schedule went. If can't, then cannot lor.

I never told what I aimed to do during the holidays with anyone except for my boyfriend. Perhaps the only one clue would be in my wishlist, but then again nobody knows when I wanted to acheive it. So when I told Peide that I wanted to acheive 200 asap before I would ever join Rag, he just gave me a "wtf" look. Should have expected it, gah.

Honestly, why I wanted to reach 200 was due to the fact that I wanted to quit from this game. After playing for 4 whole years, it has really come to a point where I have close to little interest in getting pro equipments, making millions of money in-game. All I wanted was to put an end to everything with finishing up my life-long dream of attaining 200, and quit as it is. I would never sell my account though, what with the many months of grinding, money and effort poured in; I think selling my account would almost equate that I did everything for nothing, and the cash I could get from selling could just be spent in a few months. If I really needed money, I'd just do a part-time job.

I suppose most people who were never hard-core players in MS would never understand how it feels like to miss a 2x event. At my level now, 1 hour of non-stop training would only give me a paltry amount of 3% of the 100% needed (with no special 2x, no extra exp ring, no 2x coupon). If I was a robot, I could only acheive this in 1.5 days. But I'm not. I'm like any other person; I need my rest, manage my stuff, eat, bathe etcetc. Let's say that I only train 8 hours+ring+coupon a day. (which is alot, 1/3 of the day) I would need at least 3 days to just gain a fucking level, and I have 8 levels to go. 3X8 = 24 days, and furthermore the nearer you are to 200, say 197 or 198 the exp slows down to 1-2% per hour which is worse - it's more than 24 days to get 200. Oh and btw, the ring event is only available for a limited period of time.

Just for CGF I have already sacrificed 8 hours worth of training, which means I end up having to train for 16hrs instead of 8hrs. And mind you, its non-stop training, it does not include any fr ee time to rest or what. But wait, why am I bothering to do the math for anyone? People would probably just think "Aiyah Bell just wants to play maple la, stop making excuses". They don't understand how fucking bloody hard it is to get to where I am, and where I want to go. They don't understand my situtation, what I want to do for myself. I want to quit, and be able to make more time for my family, friends and studies. I'm going to graduate soon, and if I don't concentrate on working hard for my future I will have a tough time making up for it. And how many times have I told my friends that I wasn't going to attend outings because of some special 2x event in maple? I can't even remember. Nowadays I don't eat with my family because the 2x events always land right smack during our dinner times, and my parents end up buying back for me. So I have decided to stop this tiring lifestyle and just move on.

On top of that, I'm paying real cash just so I can get the 2x exp coupon so that I can train faster. Definitely I wouldn't want to sacrifice the money I paid for going to rag dance. If people don't know how to respect others' decisions that are very impt to them, I don't see why I should bother accomodating them. I have been actively joining RnF activities for 2 years++, in fact, more active than some people; what's wrong in not helping for a year? Why should I be getting wtf faces when I say I'm not joining? So that I would feel guilty? Have a sense of duty to contribute? No thank you, I've had enough for the moment and I absolutely have no sense of guilt at all. It's not like RnF this year would come crashing down to nothingness without me, everyone is doing just fine and what's more, Rag had fucking more dancers than the previous year.

I don't think I'm being a hypocrite. If people want to work during their holidays instead of helping out, if they are financially strapped then of course I would not KP them. But if they are already having a comfortable lifestyle and just want more cash to have more buffet lunches, well I would recommend that they help in RnF instead. I'm not setting standards of whether you should join or not, but just trying to illustrate the fact that you can't just look at the surface of things; you have to consider the situation one is in. In my case, it's a case of people thinking "Bell just wants to play la", not "Bell wants to move on".

Some people may say, what's the hurry? Maple can always play later one mah, RnF once a year only leh. Sorry, at least RnF comes annually for sure, but my exp coupon and ring mule is not going to come annually. And also I hope to finish what I wanted to do before school starts so that I can fully concentrate. Maybe you can say, "exp coupon just buy again lor". Then the ring how? It's only obtainable through a special event and I don't even know if they will ever have it again. Besides, "money lor", then you pay me lor. Only $30/mth, as much as your hp bill only~~~ :D You pay for me, I go dance. Oh not to forget, please remember to find someone to help me grind for 8 hours straight everyday, thanks. Then people may go "nobody forced you to play maple in the first place", well, nobody said I HAD to join RnF what, it's volunteery also HOR?

I'm not trying to illustrate that I'm a "poor thing" or what; I don't need sympathy, neither am I saying that I'm such a busy person and all of you should be oh-so-sorry that you dared to ask me to take time off from my busy schedule, no. All I ask is that people be a little more understanding and less superficial about what I'm doing. Maybe you think it's not worth it to spend so much time and effort on just-another-virtual-game, but it has really shaped my character in some way to where I am now. Even if you find it useless, at least I don't so have some respect thanks. If anyone reads this msg and passes it on, I don't need any apologies. If you want to be understanding, just drop this entire matter. If you think I deserve to be KP-ed, I don't care. This is my one-time post of my opinion to get it out of my system.

Family politics

2009-06-23T01:21:00.003+08:00

My mum was conversing with one of her sisters when suddenly my aunt asked:" Did you know XXX just had a son?"

And my mum replied no, and there was the usual "duno what's going on" commentary. After which when they hung up, my mum proceeded to call XXX to congratulate on the birth of her newborn. I was in my room doing stuff, but from what my mother said to XXX's mum, it seemed that the child was already 2 weeks old, yet none of the relatives knew as they didn't inform us, claiming they were too "busy".

XXX is my cousin, and her mum was married into the family of my mum's side. I don't really have any personal vendetta against that particular family because I hardly interacted with them since young. And also because I have heard so much gossip over annual family gatherings, and unpleasant incidents that my sister and mum had with them that naturally made me stay away.

My mum was going, "aiyah if she didn't wanted to let us know, I shouldn't have made the call already" and my sister was going "XXX's mum must be very proud that she finally has a grandson lor".

2 things.

1. Although we are all family only in legal terms, I would have never even bothered to give a call. If people want to pretend, what I would have done was to just act along like nothing happened and only give a dramatic *gasp* when I finally "knew" the news. Of course it's not what I normally do; only for people that I don't like, or am not familiar with. And in this case, it's generally most of that particular family. All along, all the relatives have been trying to get along with XXX's mum, treating her as part of the family and being nice but she's the one who's been giving a detestable attitude. Don't get me wrong: I don't mean that she's a horrid person, but just thinking about past incidences of stuff that she did especially to my mum has given me a rather bad impression, and more or less I think many relatives would agree with me generally.

2. Boasting of a son. One thing that I never understood was why having a son would give such a sense of pride while daughters don't have that much. I tried scratching my mind why it was so good to have a son and all I could come up with was just tradition and the carrying of the family name. I remembered when I was born, my uncle was eagerly bugging my sister to know my gender and upon hearing that I was a girl, everyone was disappointed. Of course I'm grateful that my relatives still treat me like any other person, with care and love but this constantly reminds me of the fact of how some things never will change even if we become modernised and globalised. Equality? Fairness? Maybe that's what everyone preaches but somewhere down there there's still this little nugget of biased view.

There are so many things that I have to count myself lucky for. Lucky to be born in this era (and in Singapore, so I don't have to get dumped into rivers in China), lucky to have 2 parents that loved me as much no matter who or what I was (especially papa who dotes on me), lucky to be sheltered and protected from all the negative criticisms of being a girl due to the fact that we are supposed to be progressing towards globalisation and thus less stereotypical.

Obviously this post is skewed from a feminist's point of view. Would not be very surprised if there's any person who disagrees with me. But anyways, although every parent would be proud to have a child, XXX's mum focusing on the fact that it's a son(confirm hao lian de) just pisses me to some extent because I don't really like her(yeah I'm reallyyyyyyyyyyy biased, neh neh ni poo poo), and it's too early to see how capable he will be anyway. I'm not cursing her son, but if he happens to not shine like how she'd love him to, I'd say she deserves it.

Feedback on special sem

2009-06-19T16:36:00.004+08:00

As much as I've said to many people that this module seems managable, but often I find that this module has gone beyond my grasp of it's logic and direction and has become so abstract that I have no idea where or what the hell I'm doing or studying about. There is never one clear cut definition of some terms, all we have are vague explanations of how it came about, how people view it as. Sometimes I even fail to see the relation nor the significance of the readings to some of the material taught in lectures. (I mean those that are assigned to the content that the lecture taught about for a certain week)

Somehow it seems that my classmates are getting a pretty good grip on what's going on. I mean I can understand it on the basic level, but if you ask me to make inferences, evaluations I don't think I can do it easily (I can do some, but not a lot). Maybe I'm not a really a deep person, I simply accept what I see.

This is my true honest opinion on this module: They should just cut the excessive wordings in the readings and just extract those essential sentences. In my opinion, just reading those few sentences are enough to grasp the basic concepts but somehow some part of me just feels that I miss out a hell lot of information. Well, maybe that's why they are called "readings". In some way, I think the issue of "culture" and "industries" is so huge that it's impossible to cover everything, which is also what the lecturer said. It's so big that I'm only clawing at the surface, maybe that's why I feel that I'm inadequately prepared for this module's exam.

*shrugs* Hope I can get a decent grade.

Fashion or Trash

2009-06-04T16:04:00.005+08:00

I think times have changed to the point where clothing that make people look horrible are classified as the most fashionable thing in town.

The day before I went to class, and there was a girl who took off her jacket and revealed some top that only covered the front leaving the back of her bra exposed for all the world to see, complete with the mini hooks and blah.

I think it's a norm for girls to want to show off their figure, but please have some decency, wear a tube underneath, or get a bra that goes with your top. What's the difference between wearing a normal bra with a plunging neckline and this? Hardly none. It just makes you look trashy.

And fuck with SOC printers, take 15mins to process my request to print a document, making me think that I didn't press the correct printer or what. I ended up with 4 copies of the same document busting my quota for this and the next month. I hate printing in COM1.

MSEA ver0.73 patch

2009-05-27T15:32:00.003+08:00

Monstrous update with a hell lot of UI changes, new maps, skills, bosses, skill changes and blah. And of course not to forget the annual anniversary stuff along with asiasoft's 2009 event at suntec city. 0.72's patch was 199MB, and 0.73's was around 44MB totalling up to 243MB. Sooner or later, Kevin's laptop will not be able to play Maple anymore as it has a pathetic capacity of... 18GB. The game itself already takes up 1.3GB.

It's times like these when I had to patch my desktop and laptops that I really find the need for a external hard disk. Currently I'm using my Ipod 20GB but just storing my files from NM3216 and NM2208 has eaten up much of it's space.

Ah well, back to the updates.

- buggy maple candle+cake quest which eats up my etc slot. really irritating when I train.

- mulung dojo was really fun but impossible to complete without a party. Even if you had a party of 6 to go in, you may still lose

- they reduced the total amt of exp needed to level(less of a grind now), and the scrolling of the horntail's pendant is redoable apparently, so great news for those who got hacked and had their pendant's thrown out, you get +15 to all stats finally! Looks like asiasoft is really starting to listen to the complaints of the forummers. Very late, but better now than never. Hopefully other things will improve over time. Being such a commercialised company, feedback's really important. I'm sure they learnt after the spate of hacking and DC cases which domintated the GD for like months.

- xbows finally got better improvements. snipe CD reduced to 5 seconds compared to 15, pierce change from 3 secs to 1 and they reduced min shooting range. Kevin says he pratically discarded his strafe for pierce during training. And when it comes to bossing, he's so gonna own the NLs and BMs. Oh I probably foresee bandwagoners coming into the xbow population a few months down the road. First it was BMs (who had SOA), then heros (with brandish), and now XBMs maybe.

comments on the maple event

- the maplestory event at suntec was ok. I guess I was pretty lucky - everytime I went to redeem the free in-game item, there was virtually nobody in the queue in contrast to all my guildmates complaining they queued for an hour. Pretty odd eh?

- the special 10X coupon that you get when you purchase 60k A-cash sucked for me. Firstly they didnt let us prepare our stuff beforehand (and didn't say anything about this either), and secondly while playing halfway, my keyboard got jammed and in the end, they merely compensated 2.5mins. Only gained 1+% which i thought was seriously a waste of time given that I queued close to an hour for it. So I gave away my 2nd ticket to a poor boy who lost his and went home.

- you would've thought that it would be an awesome event like they described in the website with loads of fun stuff going about. but the really awesome stuff for me would be only the free H2O drinks and in-game items, the throwing of the lupin cape coupons which I never took (was queueing for the darn 10X). oddly enough, half of the entire exhibition was filled with what you would see in a typical IT fair: TVs, cameras, recorders, all sorts of electronic stuff and it was hilarious that while the emcees on the stage were trying to do entertain the people below the stage those sellers were still using their microphones and shouting out the highest bid for the TVs they were selling + freebies they offered.

- maple auction: held too late and i was too tired to stay on. the next day my mum handed me the newspaper reviewing the event and there it stated:

"A director of a construction company, who wanted to be known only as Mr Yeo, 39, placed the highest bid of $6,950 to win a Dragon Purple Sleeve, a MapleStory in-game weapon, for his 13-year-old son. ‘Any parent would do the same for their son as long as it’s within their ability,‘ he said."

OH. MY. GOD. Fucking $6,950 for a virtual, single, solitary piece of frigging equipment!!!!! What's even more shocking that the man actually bidded for his 13 year old son. 13 YEAR OLD. How old only? Only sec1, fresh from primary school!!!!!!! Wtf, seriously for a parent to listen to the whims of his kid(who probably doesn't even know the worthiness to do so) to get that item, I'm speechless. This is crazy. This is SO NOT A RECESSION. I'm very sure NOT any parent would go out of their way and splurge so much even if it's within their ability. Awesome irony in this article. They talk about responsible gaming but featured wanton spending. Dear 13 year old son, you had better continue to play Maplestory for the next 10 years to make it worth it's price.

I know I spent quite a bit on this game too, maybe $1-2k? But that was over a period of 4 years and I find it reasonable. But him who spent 7k in a matter of mins is just > me.

A string of bad events

2009-04-07T10:47:00.004+08:00

Don't know what's wrong with me, or that I'm just down on my luck lately.

First it was my toenail (that's still hanging by a shred; I'm using plaster to stick it back >.> )

Secondly, my laptop's monitor was spoilt. I didn't know that it was really a hardware problem and thought that it must be because I updated my graphics card driver plus directX. Then I realised vista had directX10 all along and I didn't need to update it in the first place =.=||| Spent a few hours with Rachel in the lab hooking it up to an external monitor to try and rollback my drivers and do system restore which didn't work at all. Big thanks to Rach cuz she even used her laptop as a guide to let me find my system restore since my screen is totally blank. (but it's functioning normally) I ran down to IT coop and the guy took one look at it and said,"Your monitor's spoilt." =.=||| wasted my time. Spent the afternoon at Acer HQ to get it repaired.

Third, my special sem didn't get through initially, and even after sending an appeal I didn't get my mod. So I really had no choice and went down to CnM and asked if their mods still had space (cuz the other mods I balloted for were all full). Thank god he said yes and told me to drop an email, and my case was forwarded from CnM to special term admins to the registrar office.. so troublesome =.= But thank god I got a module finally! Morale of the story: If you can't get a mod after appeal, try asking around in the various departments of other mods. I'll keep that in mind for future use ;)

Well fourth now would be I lost my hp last Friday. How, when I don't remember at all totally because I don't check for my hp until I need it(that's why smses go unanswered even when you msg me) I was so worried that I skipped the 2nd half of 2103 lecture and ran back to science to look for it. Asked the drinks stall auntie at the canteen, went to LT26, LT27, SoC lvl 8 but couldn't find T_T Luckily I always had the habit of locking my SIM card, so the person who has it can't use my line. And since my hp was already at low batt and is faulty (will auto off), I couldn't contact the person. For now, I've temporarily suspended my line so I'm uncontactable at all but I'll try to come online on MSN more frequently until I've replaced my SIM card.

Actually I didn't really care much about the SIM card or the lost hp, cuz I know my line can't be used and the person who stole/found my phone will probably have a hell of a time having to switch on my phone all the time. What I really feel sad was all the photos and vids I took that were in the memory card >.> I didn't save this year's stuff in my comp, sad. Tianfu/Lionel/ChingWei's screaming Armageddon concert during Shuhui's bdae is gone :'( I'm not one to be really religious, but remembering that this year Dragon peeps are the one that "fan tai shui", I think I should go pray again. Must be my praying earlier this year not powerful enough, lol.

Toenail

2009-03-26T13:35:00.002+08:00

My poor toenail, as most of you should know is horribly disfigured and half dead due to constant contact with solid objects.

Yesterday, I was getting up from the chair to stand up when the heel of my left leg caught onto the half dead toenail, and CR-A-A-A-CK!! It was ripped out upwards as my heel lifted up. I was screaming "F***!" and went I bent to examine my toe, it was already partially dislodged and out of place.

I was panicking and asked Kevin what did the doctor do to Zihua's toenail the last time she also torn out her toenail from cycling, and he said the doctor just pushed it back into place. So I did too, but the most disgusting thing was that after the toenail was dislodged, I couldn't really put in it properly because any deeper I pushed it in it would get painful, and it's really wobbly like those teeth that would drop out anytime. So if you ever see me from now on, you'll see that I've plastered my big toe and I probably have to do this everyday until it grows out.

Oh well, at least my toe doesn't look so horrible as the plaster covers it up :D

Welcome back!

2009-03-23T01:04:00.003+08:00

My dad actually went to get the broken glass of my figurine casing replaced! How he managed to find a person to do that, I have no idea but I'm really happy :D My figurine was collecting dust for a month and I couldn't really do anything about it.

Thanks papa <3

Test post

2009-03-19T18:49:00.003+08:00

Hmm this is weird. It seems that the more I post, my older entries get deleted. Or does it mean that my mind's playing tricks on me?! I do remember writing earlier than December 2004.

Update: Ok, seems that I'm hallucinating. Or it must be the old OpenDiary thing that I used to blog in. Hmm shall go look for it, lol.

Boo-boo

2009-03-19T01:31:00.004+08:00

Ok so Shujun did a boo boo in the middle of the night. She thought she saved her old template in notepad and saved the new one when kaboom! Somehow, the old info was lost when she tabbed back to the notepad window.

I don't effing know how it happened, maybe it was because of the touchpad that screwed up my clicking (you know, when you fingers accidentally brushes over the touchpad). Anyways, I've really lost every data written on it 'cept for those in my head that I could recall. And my wishlist has to be recreated! Arghhhhh!

Kevin says it's cuter. I think so too, but somehow I don't like that little boy at the top. The rest of those mini icons are cute, at least. Right now, I'm too lazy/busy to finish up finding back all the links, so THERE YOU HAVE IT, SHUJUN'S BRAND NEW BLOGSKIN!!!! (due to a blooper)

p/s: Finally viewers can read archived posts :D

Maplestory game designing

2009-03-18T02:30:00.001+08:00

http://au.pc.ign.com/articles/960/960334p1.html

I'm quite impressed with the outcome actually. Moving bosses is quite an ideal solution to making boss fights exciting!

It's really got players hyped over it. How long it lasts though, time will tell.

Birthday present

2009-03-08T22:29:00.003+08:00

My father asked me recently what I wanted for my birthday.

Me: "What's your budget papa?"

Papa: "Just tell me what you want can already"

*evil grin*

To do

2009-02-09T09:35:00.001+08:00

Not done as of now:

All my tutorials, 2100 assignment 2, labwork, revision for ma1101r PS3.

*clutches head in agony*

MUST DO RAWR

Cool modules

2009-02-01T18:52:00.004+08:00

Someone posted this in IVLE:

A university module on Starcraft:
http://www.tumeroks.com/starcraft-course-opened-for-college-earn-credits/

Another one: A module about porn. This one had really funny feedback. "If I get a very good score in this course, I don't know how I'll explain it to my parents." LOL
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_3158640.html?menu=news.quirkies

Maybe NUS should take a leaf from their books haha

Bye saber casing

2009-01-29T03:05:00.009+08:00

Forgot to add on...

On the first day of CNY my precious casing for my favourite figurine broke T_T My cousin was in my room and he pulled down the blinds (can't see the monitor) and somehow they slipped behind my figurine casing which was just below it. There was a really strong wind then and when I was outside serving guests I heard a loud crash and glass shattering.

My worst fears were really confirmed when I went to my room T_T Of the 4 glass panels used to make the casing, 1 shattered completely into pieces, another got cracked while the other two remained ok. The plastic hold got chipped a little. What's even more heartbreaking that upon close inspection of my figurine, I realised the back of the head where the braid is got cut a little by the glass T_________________T but thankfully nothing else broke upon the fall, else I'll be so miserable.

So I've decided to add this on to my birthday wishlist: A casing for my figurine. I hate to get dust collecting on my figurine (and colour running over years of exposure), so the faster I get a casing the better. If anyone manages to get one, you can pass it to me first instead of holding on till my birthday, I'll be really grateful. I can't get back my broken casing because I bought the last piece on the shelf; it cost me a whopping 30 bucks gah. Getting a replacement for the glass doesn't make it feel like the same again. Besides the plastic got chipped and it looks ugly from top view. Thinking back, I still remember how delighted I was when I set up the whole thing and put my figurine inside; it was really perfect. The gold background really made the whole figurine shine in it's own way, ah~~~~. Oh the figurine is actually from Fate/Stay Night. She's the main heroine Saber, without her armour (this is the dress under it). I'll post a picture I took of it last time:

Not a complete picture. I wish I had taken more if I knew this would happen argh T_T

Will post the dimensions for the box later. If possible do try to get the same ones like in the picture. I'll be hunting for another casing when I shop from now on. And don't tell me the saying "old stuff don't go, new stuff don't come", I hate it.

!@#$ Anime endings

2009-01-29T00:26:00.004+08:00

I just finished the Ouran High School Host Club anime and ARGGGGGHHHHH it's yet another ending that will make you mindlessly click over and over on the last episode, forcing you to search all over the net for extra information that would bring you to the perfect ending that you have in your mind.

First it was Code Geass R2. I couldn't believe it when Lelouge died and was searching vainly for a glimpse of hope that he didn't really and if there was a 2nd season. Instead I found a very well done fan made alternate ending (in the form of sketches), and a clip that hinted that he was actually alive (but it was stated in the comments that it was fan made and fake T_T) Devastated for around 2 days.

Now it's this. After a terrific climax of Haruhi chasing Tamaki with the ending song playing in the background, I thought it would conclude with a wonderful ending but NOOOOOO they had to make it so open ended and WHERE'S THE LOVEEEEE BETWEEN THEM T_T. Devasted for 3 days and still going on.

But it seem to hint at a 2nd season so I went to check but there was none T_T. All I got was speculation after speculation whether there would be a 2nd season. IMO I think there would be, because this anime series was completed a few years back and the manga is still ongoing up till now. The anime covered up to around 30+ chapters from the manga and now we have the newest one of 68 (not translated yet). It seems like the manga is going to conclude soon in a few month's time (or a year?) given that the Tamaki realises his love to Haruhi is not a fatherly one. Did a quick run of the entire manga and I think there is more than enough material for them to get another 2nd season up if the producers are willing to do so once they finish the manga. So I'm holding out in hope that they would be really nice people and do it for me *imitates wobbly tearing eyes*

Ouran's ending song is one of the best I have heard so far. It is comparable to Itazura na Kiss's op song. I could spend an entire day just listening to them and not get sick of it.. AHHHHH it's driving me nuts thinking about the ending, I felt so cheated gah!

At times I wonder why I opted for games development as my specialisation when I'm just as, or maybe am more inclined towards to animation. At least I can take mods from both sides so it shouldn't be a big problem.

The Gambit talk a few days back mentioned that when they open applications for their summer prog, they wouldn't be looking at grades but at portfolios only because they want to see what you have produced. Getting A's and B's and applying for the prog using a cert full of grades doesn't work. Personally I have always thought in this industry people wouldn't bother about the grades that much; this and the GCA conference confirmed it. Of course it doesn't signal the start of ignoring my studies and everything because I do still need to learn basics before I can handle the more advanced processes, but I feel more cheerful and optimistic now that my CAP isn't a great hindrance unless I turn to those govt jobs or those that look at grades.

Right now I'm turning back to an otaku (and PS2 soon) to generate my passion for the stuff I've loved since young (and to get some ideas). HOHOHO :D And for now, I've got to study for my practice session 2 in a few hours away. Bleh.

Happy CNY everyone!

Happier?

2009-01-25T04:08:00.002+08:00

Maybe I'm not in the right mind to write this right now given that it's 4am and I'm damn tired. But I don't really want to sleep because I just finished Code Geass R2 and I'm FREAKING SAD T_T

I know I have written it in my blog before that I would like to start anew and just have friends and a normal school life and everything, but I find it hard. Even when I want to start fresh, I suppose there's no way the person on the other side will do the same, or that they are such a blockhead for not realising the obvious (got to really roll my eyes at this). Not quoting anyone specifically or saying that anyone has refused to the above, but I realise that once stuff happens, the atmosphere stays there. Which makes it pretty hard to try communicating for me.

I do have certain opinion on things which I disliked in the past that still reside strongly in me right now, which in a sense is another barrier. I do try holding them down for those minor ones. But those that are deeply rooted inside me, I make no effort in trying to hold back the dislike because I perceive myself to be trying too hard. Even if people notice, I won't really care. In which I just can't help but think, where do I draw the line between trying to get back on track, and trying too hard that I feel uncomfortable? Part of me says that I should get out there and move on, but another part of me doesn't find it exactly very comfortable sometimes which doesn't make me myself, and I feel insincere.

Which brings me to the point that I've been fairly reclusive for quite a while. After hiding like a hermit for one semester and not actively participating in outings and meetups with my old school mates and fac peeps, I sure missed out a lot on gossip. I suppose as we go on with life, everyone eventually meets their "the one" (I hope) and some realised that in the end, he or she wasn't that. Which would logically explain why relationships' ups and downs are popping up as quickly as rabbits multiply. Within a month I've heard around 5 new relationships and 2 breakups, of which 2 of the new ones were FUCKING SHOCKING I have to say. Sorry for the use of this vulgarity, but I feel that there's no word to better describe my reaction upon hearing the news. But as I say to everyone, all the best to their relationships, may it be a happy one.

But in a way, I'm glad to have started out. I'm meeting friends whom I thought I would never talk to (or the possibility is so far that I don't think about it). I get to know what they are truely like, or how they have changed. Be it old friends or new ones. It's really unexpected. What can be just a casual question can evolve to lengthy talk spanning a long period of time, but in the end you would feel like you make a whole new friend (regardless whether you knew him already or not). Guess it's just that heartwarming to me.

Actually I have never faced much problems with friendships till I came to uni. Maybe it's because the age group is much more varied than in sec and jc. There's also the influence of the outside world as well. Or maybe I have been too active (sometimes it's good to stay low) here, stretching myself so thin that I finally snap. Still it's a valuable experience for me and I feel I have much more to learn, to be wiser. Ok night.

I fear...

2009-01-23T02:29:00.006+08:00

I just finished reading the book titled "the five people you meet in Heaven" by Mitch Albom, and cried when I came to the part when the guy meets his wife again. It was when I fully appreciated how much it means to have someone I love deeply beside me, alive, breathing and smiling, spending the days doing things together. It was also when I feared of anything unfortunate that might happen to us someday, causing seperation.

I know that one day, all of us will grow old and die. I know that we console ourselves to live the moments while we can, that people will continue to live on in our hearts and memories as we go on. I still fear death deep down inside, if I bother to think long on it. The thought of not being able to be there physically, to savour the moments truely scares me at times. How much one would long to relive that very moment of love again and again and again.

Maybe someday when I get older and older, I will start to accept death naturally as a part of life. Not to say I'm rejecting it now, I can't but I'm still scared. For now, I'll put this aside and not think about it too much. Afterall, there's school tomorrow and I'm not going to screw up my life worrying over it constantly, quite busy for the moment.

Birthday pinches

2009-01-17T02:03:00.002+08:00

21st birthdays are one of the most anticipated and highly celebrated events of one's life. Naturally when those born in 1988, meaning me and my bunch of classmates turn 21 this year, it would mean there's a hell lot of buying and giving to do. And gatherings as well.

Today I attended a dinner gathering with some of my JJC badminton teammates, and Xiao Jun was commenting on how she felt the pinch this year with all the presents she had to buy. Which in the end, led into a debate between her and the other guys on why one should or should not buy presents.

I have to admit, some of the things that the guys said were right. You don't have to force yourself to buy the presents for someone if it would cause you to live in near poverty for a few days. Surely your friend would not want that and would understand your reason for not giving a gift. The thought is supposed to count. If the friend actually criticizes you for not giving one, perhaps he or she is not worth the effort of being given one then.

To be fair, let's look at the other side. Not doing such things may cause others to view you as a miser, or to think that you don't care about the birthday boy/girl. All in all, nobody wishes to have negative views from anyone who doesn't have a complete picture of the situation. Tongues can wag, gossips can fly, although I would comment that friends who would know each other don't mind really, and near strangers would not bother unless they are trying to backstab or spread a negative image of others. But wouldn't you want to do something nice and get a meaningful gift to someone whom you are close to, especially on a 21st birthday?

As a means of ending the above debate, you can just make hand made presents. But I guess some don't have the time, or feel that their skills are inadequate. Well that's why there are gift shops everywhere. *shrugs*

All in all I say, it's just a matter of how one feels about getting the presents. Some don't mind any as long as the person is there to wish them happy birthday, some feel that it's an important part of a birthday, somewhat like tradition. For ME, I wouldn't mind if I had no presents. But OF COURSE I would love receiving one! :D:D:D:D And even more so if it's a present that I WANT! :D:D:D:D::D:D:D:D:D:D:D::D:D (note: advertising coming up soon)

Therefore, I have brilliantly come up with a plan to save everyone from the headache of thinking of what I want for my birthday! This idea came up to me from spending one *toot* *toot* *toot* day trying to think of a nice gift for my dear friend Zhi Yao, trawling through an entire shopping centre and coming out absolutely empty handed. You have to thank him for this, he's a great motivation for this idea of mine. And this is especially essential for my boyfriend HOHOHOHO!!!! *evil laughter in the distance*

Of course he can claim that he has no money and wants to feed me duck rice for my present... CANNNNNNNN. *glint* HOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!! *more evil laughter in the distance*

Yee Loong was like commenting, why do you want a gift list? The fun is in being surprised with the presents ma. Well true enough, I love surprises, who doesn't? But there are 2 kinds of surprises, one real and one fake. Let me give you an example. Giving my boyfriend red underwear would constitute as a good surprise. Bright red ok, not dull. It's a lovely surprise indeed, one that would give me a really good laugh and fun. On the other hand, if my boyfriend was given a diary for a birthday, hmm yes surprise indeed, but I can't say that I would laugh that much wouldn't I? I might just say, "Oh thanks!". End.

Simply put, I like creativity and innovation in my presents. I wouldn't mind even the cheapest toy, as long as I find it really quirky and funny. But if you are afraid that you might let me down, you can just follow the safer option of choosing from the list. And you probably don't need to complain or fret so much over having to think of what to get.

Actually the list is already up there like, eons ago. Hahahaha. Well I've only updated it with one extra wish, not much. But generally I love figurines to bits, especially the ones that appear in the anime series that I love. What anime series are they, what models I love, I leave it to the people who want to get me a present in future to guess! Maybe that would constitute as a nice surprise :D But I sure won't mind a PS3... HOHOHOHOHO. Ok la joking. It's quite a waste to get PS3 just to try out FF13, bo hua leh.

First day of the semester

2009-01-14T00:35:00.003+08:00

My day was supposed to start at 6pm, but then I decided to crash into another lecture slot so that I could have my Tuesdays free. I'm expecting it to be rather short lived though. Anyways I got a laugh when I saw Chris's look when I entered the LT hahahaha.

First day was relatively quiet, compared to the days when you walk back to COM1 and everyone's there. I guess it's good for me since I'm trying to settle back into the school mood. The best thing I love about having a day that ends at Science is that I get to take a direct bus with a much more shorter journey back to JE interchange. That's probably the only benefit I see out of it actually.

If one notices, there is no other module other than an arts one that is filled with so much noise. You would have thought it's a pasar malam before lecture(incidentally there was a bazaar outside that day, how apt), and probably so through the lecture (those people who took nm2101 will know). I've taken science and computing modules, and hardly any are filled with the sometimes unbearable noise these people make. Sometimes you just have to thank the PRCs and Indians that fill up the slots of other faculties, hur hur.

I can't say much on how my semester will turn out to be, but I think it will be a relatively boring one when game design is no longer here. Maybe PL1101E will turn out to be more fun than I hope.

Irritating babies

2009-01-11T14:09:00.004+08:00

I boarded bus 335 today to go back home, and there was a couple carrying a baby boy in their arms sitting at the front.

Throughout the bus journey, the baby kept giving out shrill cries (of happiness or what, i duno) that seriously got on my nerves, and an elderly lady shifted seats to entertain that little baby while the parents smiled. If it were me, I would just continue staring out of the window trying to block out his voice mentally.

Anyways, I promised to myself that I would make sure that I have a car before I ever have a baby. I can't imagine my own kid crying out loud and embarrassing the crap out of me, not to say disturbing the rest of the passengers.

Second on the list is that I'll never ever buy those squeaky shoes that those babies wear. Who the hell invented that, I'll like to throttle their neck. If i ever had the chance, I'll probably sneak up to those blasted shoes in the middle of the night and slit the soles so that they can never suck in the air again. Don't care if the babies cry. I know majority of the population here will thank me for it.

Third: Unless unavoidable, never ever bring my baby to a restaurant. It's just as bad as bringing him/her on the bus. Same goes for a library. Ahh yes yes MRT as well, BAN.

Ok, done ranting and I'm back to my spring cleaning.

School is starting

2009-01-09T23:06:00.004+08:00

Oh GOD. I bidded for 3241 then Andrew told me the maths is hard. If he says it's hard, then what about ME!?!?!?!?!?!? Shit la sure die this sem!

I'm so *insert adjective here* *insert adjective here* UNPREPARED for school. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Update: problem solved. I'm dropping that module and taking up another to save my ass.

Lousy service

2009-01-06T22:29:00.007+08:00

Kev booked out late this evening, so I decided to have dinner with him at Jurong Point. We had dinner at the outdoors food court. It struck me halfway through dinner as to why despite the fact that it was outdoors and there was absolutely NO aircon save for a few miserable fans spinning on top, the food here pretty much remains at the same price compared to those in the interior of the shopping centre.

Seriously, I don't know. I always thought the reason why people pay for such overpriced food(that normally tatstes worse than hawker food fare) is because compared to a hawker centre, there's a better environment especially AIR CON. Very ironic hor? What a rip off, it's not like food from a food court makes it branded or anything. And it's not like my plate of Hokkien Mee was especially wonderful as well (at least the quantity was worth the price). If I didn't have the chilli, I would have found my meal a little bland, and there were too many of those white noodle strands (hate them, no taste). Worse, THE PRAWNS WERE UNSHELLED EEEEE! I confess I have absolutely no superior tongue twisting skills to get the flesh out of prawn shells, so such meals are a turnoff for me. No more hokkien mee from that stall next time! Maybe I can try their carrot cakes, hmmm...

So me and Kev went inside for a little shopping trip as I still haven't bought my diary. ( lazy la) We went into ArtBox and I went searching for some nice cute books. After spending close to 10 mins bugging Kev to choose a design, I proceeded to bring the books to the cashier. Oh and I must add, I was fishing through all the designs when I realised there were different price tags on the same design! One at $10.90, another at $7.90. But since the rest of the books were all tagged at $7.90 I felt that it was a decent enough price and wanted to buy them.

Imagine to my amazement when the 2 books I laid at the cashier churned out a whooping $20+ bucks on the cashier's screen. The unsuspecting girl looked at me and said," That's a total of $21.80 please." I looked at the screen again and told her,"Doesn't the price tag on your book state $7.90? How can it be the price on the screen?"

Immediately she called over some other lady to help her verify the price of the books. I heard blabbers of tag say this price, but scan say another price blahblahblah. And the verdict? It was indeed at a bloody price tag of $10.90. WHAT. THE. FUCK. $7.90 for some interesting design with undecorated and obviously fullscape paper bound together as a book, I can still tahan. Now you say $10.90? I was so tulan with it, I shot back at the girl,"Then why didn't you price your books correctly? So misleading!" The poor girl immediately apologised and said they priced their tags incorrectly with an apologetic face to go along.

At that very point of time, I wanted to continue unravelling the bitch inside me and start to rant on CASE and what shit that I could possibly conjure up to make the one who said the freaking "it's $10.90 actually" phrase paiseh (PRC, gah), but one look at the girl's face stopped me. Being in the service sector for a short while, I know how shitty it is to get slapped verbally in the face when unreasonable people complain at you because the customer is always right, and you can't argue back. So I just told the cashier girl I wasn't buying the books anymore and walked out of the shop with Kevin silently following me.

Once I was away from the shop though, I immediately sprouted my actual complaint to my poor boyfriend who STILL STAYED SILENT. Maybe he thought it was better not to say something. When girls get angry, what also can nit pick one, or at least me. Hmph smart.

p/s: apparently if a good is priced lower than supposed, the retailer is obliged to charge it at that price. My sister encountered this senario before and used this rule on the shop and got it at the lower price. Anyone cares to verify?

Then grumpy me walked into Guardian to buy some neccessities. I headed to the cashier and I was immediately struck by the scene around the counter. Not only were all the cashiers MALE, the queue actually extended to reach the entrance of the store. Ok male cashiers, never mind. Not like they haven't seen PANTYLINERS before right? Condom also won't paiseh, cuz they aren't really suppose to comment in the line of work. But a queue towards the entrance? Bloody crap. I had the vivid image of me waving frantically and jumping excitedly at the end of the queue holding my package of pantyliners while all the diners and passerbys stared at me. That's just how embarrassing it is. I mean come on la, which girl in the right mind will hold a package of pads in their hands and walk through a crowded shopping centre?!?! We need secrecy, secrecy, and I NEED SECRECY ALSO!!!

So I just queued silently and pressed the package to the side of my body that was facing the interior of the store. At that very point of time, I was thinking which retard started to queue towards the entrance forcing everyone to follow suit.

I was second in line to the cashier when one of the male cashiers popped out and was saying in a very meek and hesitant voice," Erm can you all queue the other side please..." while gesturing. So I just left the queue and went the other way while the rest...

JUST REMAINED WHERE THEY WERE. W.T.F. Tmd! Not only did I be a nice and cooperating customer, I sacrificed my 2nd-in-line-payment!!!! How nice can I get? But NO, everyone had to be fucking kiasu and the bugger originally behind me just moved up to stand in my previous position! Fuck kiasu Singaporeans even though I'm one also! I was glaring at them and none of them budged. At this very point of time, that meek assistant caught me looking and lived up to his name. "Erm can you all...." *flails hands a little. Then everyone ignored him and he just walked away, head in defeat (ok I made that up).

TMD!

To make things even better. The 2 cashiers made not a SINGLE move to assist their meek colleague and continued to take products from the fake queuers and Ti!Ti!Ti! "That will be $11.60. Do you have 5 cents? Do you have 5 cents? Do you have 5 cents?" The cashier that I was queueing up for was woefully inept in handling cards and was still going on with it when the fake queue finished. So I just went to the other counter.

I was so pissed with today's happenings that I told Kev that I wanted to go home immediately (even when I haven't bought the diary). And yes we did ( well I did buy some Lao Po Bing on the way) and I'm MUCH happier now drinking my bubble tea while typing this post.

Sometimes, life can be so much more pleasant with the cheap options near home. It's not everytime that going to a morden and glitzy shopping centre that will make you go home satisfied and happy.

Completed diary cover

2009-01-05T16:54:00.005+08:00

Just reached home and since I've nothing to do (my maple client was corrupted, now re-downloading the entire thing), I decided to finally finish the final process of my book cover else I wouldn't be able to use it when school starts.

Admittedly, this is not my best piece of artwork, and my plastic wrapping is horrendous (if u see the interior) but it shall suffice.

The front cover:

Back cover:

All together:

Start of 2009

2009-01-03T01:24:00.004+08:00

Countdown to 2009 was pretty alright. Spent the night at Kev's house, watched the tiny weeny fireworks and forced him to eat a piece of chocolate when it struck midnight (just a sudden idea lol). Network jammed up as usual so I didn't bother to send back greetings till the next day. A quiet celebration, just the way I like.

The very next day we went to Sentosa with the rest of B gang. Had a nice breakfast before meeting up with them. Didn't go down to the water at all. Just spent the day trying to get dark but not sunburnt, played cards and chit chat. Turns out I hardly got a tan. Didn't know SPF50 is that strong haha!

My first movie of the year was right after getting out of Sentosa. Mel's mum got us the tickets at a very later timing, so we squeezed in Jordan's car and went to his house to rest (very tired) while the others played mahjong. It was pretty funny cuz Kev and Jie Sheng kept making fun of how Nat plays mahjong and everything lol

Ip Man IMO was nice for me. Ok, I'm a sucker for these kind of fighting shows, loved them since young! I used to watch those old chinese films shown at ulu timings on TV; the choreography is really nice! But it they must include at least a meaningful plot, not just brainless fighting hor (like those Ong Bak or whatever. It doesn't look like it has a plot in the first place) AND doesn't mean I'm violent hor. Kevin got for me the moo moo calendar from the combo meal! XD muacks!!! I thought it was those flipping calendars but it turns out that the dates and months were bricks that you had to turn, quite troublesome =.=

Finally reached home at around 2 plus am I suppose, and fell asleep right away while Kevin die-die had to win his 1st round in FF-Dissidia before he followed suit, gah. (he didn't know how to play at first lol)

Next day, we went to watch Ponyo on the cliff by the sea!! Omg it's freaking CUTE. The plot's a little too short (so easy to save the world one), but STILL, I would say it's good. Arrggggggghhhhhhhhh I don't even know how to describe the epic cuteness of Ponyooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!! Go see for yourself! :D Even better was that the combo meal sold a moo-moo tumbler (which they filled with coke), so COOL. Then I happily bought the set and went in, only to realise I didn't get a straw and I cannot drink =.=

Had supper with Jie Sheng, Nianci and Dylan right after that. We walked one big round around the 334 route due to miscommunication and blah blahblah. At least the prata was nice and the curry was slightly sour and really spicy. Talked cock for awhile before we headed home and...

THAT WAS WHEN I REMEMBERED IT WAS BIDDING DAY. Omg.

Lucky first rd is till 5th of Jan, heng. But alot of screw ups la. Planned my mods long ago already. Then when I wan to bid, got lecture clash. Then there was another module that was already overbidded wth. I checked with Chong Yee and finally got to know there was a freaking MPE last sem that pre-allocated mods. I always thought it was just a survey and didn't bother to do. So exasperated with myself. Fuck it, I'll just bid and appeal if I can't get them. What else to do right?

Now I'm looking for a UE to fit into my mod. Wish there's someone who can take it with me. It's boring to do mods alone but apparently no one's very interested in Arts mods. All taking those mods like Understanding Universe, Sci of Music, blahblahblah. I'm not a logical or maths person, I prefer those stuff that's closer to readings and text or crap. So not CS, gah.

My motto for my school life is just simple. To enjoy it like a simple and normal person, nothing else. I don't yearn for grades that awe people, I just want to get my cert, and graduate normally from university while I enjoy my life with all the buddies I made in school and all the events I participated in. I hate politics, fucking hypocrites and people who look down on me like I can't do well in anything ( If there's anyone. I don't think so actually, but heck I'll just put it. )

If I looked back in my previous sem, it wasn't a really good one in terms of friendship. I did regret it at some points in time, and at times I don't. I'm not a BFF kind of person, and I don't expect others to do so to me. I'm perfectly happy with sitting down together to study and have dinners late in the night, go for outings and everything, but I get very uncomfortable when people get too close for my comfort. I don't like people sending me back everyday like some escort unless it's on the way home, unless it's just for fun once in a blue moon. I like to take have time alone occasionally. I like to take the bus home alone sometimes too. I don't like having to tell people constantly where I am, what I'm going to do on an often basis and all of the above applies to everyone unless you are my boyfriend or my family. And most of all I hate physical touches unless it's those normal friend kinds like a pat on the back, a handshake or something.

I don't mean to outcast everyone that I know, but it's just stating my boundaries of how I define my friendships with people. I want things to be the way I want it, that I can control as someone who is free and not tied down by anything. That's why I feel that last sem was really terrible, it didn't follow my principles in friendships somehow and I might have affected others as well; it makes me feel bad. To make it worse, I hate being the one to tell people to go away or anything because it makes me feel horrid to reject them so I ended up tolerating everything and I'm not really happy. This sem, I'm going to try and make a new start and just live it out NORMALLY. THAT'S IT RAWR. Don't take sides, don't get into stupid politics that I don't need and live a happier life.

Ok I feel better now :)

p/s: WWE is a really brainless show =.=||| Even Kevin fell asleep watching it.

Some things..

2008-12-28T04:38:00.003+08:00

Some things are better to be left written in a personal diary instead of in a blog.

OK I'LL GO GET A DIARY TMR!!! :D :D :D :D

p/s: It has nothing to do with today, just a sudden thought.

Since I'm waiting for my hair to dry (due to a sudden urge to be very clean), I'm just typing to pass time again.

Today I went to WeiXiang's house for our class gathering. Think almost all the guys were day, you know those regulars like Jie sheng, dylan, blahblahblah. I guess the only person not there that day was Matthew. Wonder how he's coping?

Girls wise, only me, mel, zihua and cha eng came.

Basically everyone just had a very nice steamboat at Weixiang's balcony, chit chatting and everything. The soup was niceeeeeeeeee, and there were tons of meat for those male carnivores. Kevin and Wee Hoe got addicted to some violent brainless zombie killing game (but quite exciting sometimes) introduced by Kok Siang. I just spent my time eating, watching the brainless game and seeing Kevin play mahjong.

Kind of lazy to actually recount everything, but it was nice to see everyone again after so long. The next time we meet might only be during Chinese New Year. Oh yeah, I want to org a mini gathering for an ice cream buffet (the one introduced by Chris). Hopefully we can find a date where everyone is free :D

Kevin intends to get an MC tmr to skip his duty, so I'm looking forward to going out with him! These days we didn't really go out alone for a pretty long time, what with playing maple at home together, outings and duties. My mum has free tickets for The cathay cinema, so maybe we will catch the movie "Yes Man" which everyone described to be hilarious :D And yes I'll drag him everywhere to buy my badly needed colour pens and my diary wheeeeeeeee

All right, I've enough of the boring and incessant talk ( that most girls do) that I've been spewing for the past few posts. With my diary tmr, maybe I wouldn't update it so much like I do now. It's boring to repeat the same things over again ya?

Night guys.

Can't sleep

2008-12-27T03:48:00.003+08:00

Can't sleep somehow and it's almost 4am!

Somehow the burning desire to start revamping my room, cleaning up dirt and organising my stuff caught hold of me and now I'm having insomnia. Sounds laughable, but REALLY. I have this really bad/good/uptoyoutodecide habit of going on some cleaning spree, just that as the years pass it tends to get more and more dormant inside me.

Urgh and tomorrow's the class outing... I won't have that much energy T_T but I really can't sleep.

I just did up my organiser that I got from Nianci (from the christmas presents exchange @ mel's place). The cover was a little plain for me, so I wrapped it up in black construction paper and proceeded to doodle on it. I'll post up the picture when I can cuz I'm too lazy to snap the pic, bluetooth the picture to my laptop and send it over to my desktop which I'm typing on. I got really hyped up doing it but halfway I realised I lacked a few colours to colour the rainbow T_T now I have to wait till the stores open in the morning and I'll drag Kevin over to buy what I need :D !!!!!!!

Just recounting what I did with the cover makes me awake... =.=

Ok I guess I'll recap what I did during @ Mel's place then..

Arrived near to 6pm, and everyone was there save for Nat(overseas) and Kev (duty, poor guy). Mel's mum apparently invited her own friends as well so there was basically a swarm of people bustling around the entire house, especially the dining table, kitchen and living room. I made my way to the room(where we usually go to) and found the gang watching Little Nonya! :D

I'm not really a fan of Mediacorp stuff, but this was one of the few rare shows that really got my attention. I'm quite sure why. Maybe it's because their story plots finally improved (high time), or there were better and newer actresses(sick of Zoe Tay and Fann Wong), or it's just that the entire show was something Mediacorp had never done before. My mum says that she doesn't like the show because it was showing how low a woman's status was in society and all that(you know, kitchen only and all) but I disagree with that as a good reason to refuse watching. To me it's kind of like a documentary coupled with fiction. It's just a reflection of the Peranakan culture at that very point of time, there's nothing wrong. Well since she doesn't see it that way, that's up to her. Different views.

Anyway Nianci subscribed to MobTV so she got to access all those episodes that I didn't bother to watch (although I had the interest). And we just stayed in that little room, all the way till someone finally asked us to come out and have our dinner. We got out of the house, and apparently there was a little BBQ pit set up right outside! Very cute :D And the BBQ pit looked almost exactly like the ones the SIMS game used hahah! Bright red cover, wooden platforms and everything. There was a buffet as well, but I was really confused so I just sat down there watching Jordan continuously BBQing prawns.

Food wise, it was pretty nice. There was turkey (don't remember having one before in my life, it was a little dry for me and the spices were pretty strong), damn FAT sphagetti (never seen such fat noodles before), curry (very spicy), those little fat, cute and white mushrooms which they stuffed with some spice and nuts (very very cool! but I didn't have any). The salmon was pretty nice, not too dry for me :D

AND SPEAKING OF SPHAGETTI HAHAHHAHA! There was an incident where Jie Sheng was holding a plate of them and walking out of the house to join us. Since there were many guests, naturally there were many shoes on the floor outside the door. And Jie Sheng actually tripped over one of those shoes and overturned his entire plate of sphagetti, sauce and everything! That was really the most hilarious moment I ever had. I came to see what happened and there on the floor, was a huge mess. Slippers, sandals and even high heel shoes got covered with the sauce. Mel quickly got out some tissue papers and we started to wipe the floor away of the mess while Nianci took a bucket of water and splashed away the sauce on those unfortunate shoes. Thank goodness I wore mine when I walked out :D Nick's was totally covered with them, both I think hahahahhaa. It was a damn funny scene cuz everyone was trying to do it discreetly and quickly before any guests found out what happened and I was wiping away the water from those washed shoes so that the guests wouldn't find it wet when they wore them home hahahhahahaha!! What if later the guests say: How come my shoes are so oily? HAHAHHAHAHA THAT ONE BTH

Jie Sheng was rather sensitive to the word sphagetti the rest of the night, he even blushed ok! :DDDDDDD

Called Kevin up to wish him merry christmas using Jie Sheng's video phone call. Actually I wanted to make him jealous for not being able to be with us by showing him the BBQ pit and everything ah, but somehow I forgot once he picked up the phone. It was damn funny cuz the screen kept showing his bunk mates' heads popping in and out of the screen like rabbits HHAHAHA. And everyone at mel's was cramming into the screen trying to get a good look at Kev as well. Then I asked him to show his bunk to me and my GOD, it looked like those construction worker's bunk rooms, abeit much cleaner. KE LIAN!! T_T

Later we had gift exchange, and Nick got my humongous pen!! :D Everyone kept feeling it and saying I must have gotten chocolates again (think I'm so uncreative :( ).. then as Nick started to unwrap the present it got changed to predicting it was a huge DILDO? Perverted guys la. Then when Nick took it out Jie Sheng was going Ohhhhh what a hugeeeeeeeee dildo... and I can't remember Samuel's. Lol! But it was quite funny la. Nick was like wth.

This year's presents had tons of chocolate. Samuel tio Van Houten + some nut quote that suits him really well (ask him abt it yourself peeps), Shimei tio Dove chocolates, Jie Sheng tio Royce's champange chocolate (drools), I tio Ferrero Rocher + the diary (needed one, just nice). Nick had my humongous pen ( I'm very proud of it ok! ), Nianci got a wine carrier, Jordan's was some toothbrush holder that had a little timer on it. Very interesting cuz the timer is there to represent how long you can brush your teeth, which is ard 3mins. I never heard that you can only brush your teeth for 3 mins before hahahha ! So cool. Mel's somehow I can't remember hmm.

Went back to watching little nonya for 2 mroe episodes before we played mahjong(no money) with Mel's 1/4 tiles. Her 4 Wan went missing hahahhaha! Played halfway then we found that out. Stayed till around 12.30am, and Jordan sent all of us home in his 7 seater, cool. Mel's sister kept begging to come along sending us home as well and she finally got her wish.

Looking at Mel's sister, I sometimes see myself in her, exactly at her age now (around primary 6? ). I understand how she feels and what she yearns to have or be. When I was young, my elder sister often brought her friends home, and I really loved to be around them. In them, there was a maturity and a grown up sensation one would never get with kids around my age. I would admire them, try to mimick their actions (not so much la, abit only). There was always a feeling inside me to hurry up in getting older and becoming like them, with all the grandeur and independence they have and not having to submit to my mum's nagging about going to bathe and everything (kids have it more than the adults ok). I think that's what her sister is feeling right now.

Now that I'm 20, well things have changed of course. I have my own group of friends, and my own independence. These kind of things just comes with time. Gradually, I also grew to understand how my sister had to deal with me always asking her to take me to her gatherings and parties at her friend's house, and how she had to accomodate me. Hmm now that I think of it, I was quite a pain in the neck, ahhh whatever. :D It's all part and process of growing up isn't it?

Alright, I guess I shall head off to sleep. 4.40am already >.>... good morning to those early birds :)

Results and Christmas

2008-12-24T21:11:00.003+08:00

Since it's the eve of Christmas and I don't have any activities going on, think blogging will serve to pass some time.

Not that I yearn to go partying, it's also due to the fact that I don't feel well even though I'm perfectly fine. For the past 3 days I had an everlasting flu and today, it was accompanied by a mild sore throat. Kevin gave me the panadol flu medication and it was ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING. It doesn't help that he kept saying "mama lemon mixed with water" while I was drinking down that vile concoction. I swear, I'll never ever drink that again. BLEARGH!

The wind's absolutely cold tonight, however it signals a warm night with snuggling in my bed with blankets covering me- absolutely delightful. Kind of gives off a Christmasy feel to it although I'm quite sure the streets of Orchard Road are a nightmare to walk in at this point of time, haha.

I got back my results for last sem. In fact, I was really really nervous when I was typing in my i/d and password. Sweaty and cold palms, yeah. Turns out my cap didn't change at all, which I'm quite ok for the moment. But I know it's high time to pull it up while I still can =/ I failed MA1505 AGAIN. Somehow I was both surprised and unsurprised. Weird contradiction, but maybe I'm just surprised that I failed a mod for the 2nd time, didn't imagine that. Unsurprised that I sacrificed most of my maths time studying for econs instead, so yeah. Quite sad when I think about repeating it again, and my parents didn't take it too well when I told them.

Well the great news was that I PASSED MY CS1102 WOOTS!!!!!!! I know when people fail a mod they are usually depressed, upset blahblhabah, but this totally eradicated any trace of sadness that I felt when I saw my CS1102 results. I. FREAKING. PASSED. WOOOOOOO~

Words cannot describe the terror inside me taking programming even at the start of my first year in Computing. It was, and still is a horrifying experience. I'm really sure I really do not have even a tiny weeny bit of talent in programming, honestly. I'm seriously, really damn glad to see myself pass, to the point where failing other mods are ok! Now how serious do you think my trauma is, you can tell.

Another cheerful grade to know was that the module that I worked so hard for, Game Design NM3216 got me an A-. Ok it's neither an A nor A+ like I hoped(actually fat hope), but it's close enough and I'm really happy. Shows that my hard work paid off! Luckily the lecturer Alex is doing this mod for the very last time last sem since he's gg to further his studies; he's a really great and fun lecturer and I would never forget him ;) For peeps out there taking Nm3216 this sem onwards, I would say, good luck and have fun. IMO the new lecturer Anne Marie isn't that great(she was his assistant for that sem) and well... if you take you will see what I mean lol. Good luck guys!

Econs and NM2101 turned out fine too ;) Ahh now I can enjoy the new year~ Merry Christmas and Happy 2009 everyone! This might probably be the last post I'll make for the year.

Something new to blog about

2008-12-16T08:05:00.005+08:00

Word can't express how indigant and amused I was when I received an sms from one of my old classmates asking me to join her in a christmas party AT HER CHURCH.

Why the emphasis? Even an idiot would probably know it would be full of Christianity converting attempts or spreading the word of their almighty being up there waiting for me to experience.

Indigance at people whom till this very day still try to pull such stuff on "unsuspecting" friends. Can't be bothered if they are offended, because this seriously irks me to no end. You have your religion, I have my opinions, so stop persuading me. You don't know I don't like it? Now you know it. I can't imagined how many people have taken up this offer (especially young kids) and go around trying to do the same to others in the end.

Amusement at the fact that these people really believe it's a normal Christmas party. I wouldn't mind the singing and eating if they didn't talk about their religion, but that's not gg to happen isn't it. It's at a church after all.

Christians may argue and say, NO? WE VERY NICE ONE, WHERE GOT TRY AND CONVERT YOU. But you know and I know it's a 10/10 chance that this happens, so don't bother seriously. I DO know better. And PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE don't try and practise your english on me by trying to make it sound like it's just a harmless acquiring of knowledge and enlightenment and that I wouldn't get persuaded to try if I refused. If I had to put it crudely, it's brainwashing. But since most people disagree earnestly with that word, I'll call it the scheming method of persuasion into everlasting enlightenment which is subjected to different people. Nicer anot?

*********************
I say "Oh my god", but really, that's just a figure of speech. Oh my god.

There are several people whom are hypocritical Christians, joining in purely because:
1) friends joining
2) looks cool (rather debatable)
3) too lazy to think of more, the top 2 will do

Random thoughts:
I have friend A whom I've never liked even in primary school becoming a Christian and blahblahblahs about sometimes, but maybe that's just due to my bias beforehand since she's usually very disliked (or so I think).

Friend B always huddles with her 2 nice friends which aptly are both Christians, of which one is very devout and the other.... bah lol. No surprises when I saw her clasping her palms together praying before her meal during lunch. *shrugs* Don't know if she faithfully practises what's done in the religion, but I tend to be skeptical. She doesn't look like the kind anyway.

People in the forums that I visit, asking others to shut up about saying they don't believe in Christianity when they are going about everywhere in the thread(the thread question was: Does god exist?) proclaiming how great he is, how he exists in the world truely, how much faith they have in the religion - OOI, YOU KNOW THAT'S CALL DOUBLE STANDARDS?

Blind faith, a classic example:

In the past people thought that there were fire, lightning gods in the world until science came along and proved them wrong. So who knows, maybe a few years down the road, some phenomena which cannot be explained yet by science may be revealed, then can we still claim that it's a "work of god"? No. So it doesn't mean that god definitely exists just because we cannot prove it entirely. Neither does it mean that there isn't god; we don't know, but we cannot freely assume there is one either. <- I posted something like this in the forums.

That bugger responded: Well ok, but I will still continue to believe in my faith to my religion <- somewhere along that line as well

I don't know how you describe him, but I call this STUBBORNESS. Tell these people nicely and they shut up (because they can't argue anymore) and say oh I believe in my faith all along, nvm. EH?! Then we might as well don't hold the conversation if you have no intention of accepting my explanation la! It's so exasperating, I feel like slapping the person left right center until my irritation goes away. Don't tell me that you accepted my explanation. If you did, you wouldn't be sprouting stuff about how in the end after touring the world 123502492013 times nothing changed for you. You MERELY couldn't refute the points, that's all. I'm not saying that ohhhhhhh I'm so great, I shut you up and believe in me or something, but the least you could do is to accept it graciously and not be like some stubborn donkey born from a stubborn donkey and say HEY YOU KNOW WHAT? I'VE GOT MY FAITH, I DON'T REALLY CARE WHEEEEE =D

Stop being an effing hypocrite, or what as NM2101 says, STOP EMPLOYING A CLOSED SYSTEM AND LISTEN TO FEEDBACK DAMMIT. BE MORE FLEXIBLE!!!!!!!!!

In a nutshell: Don't poke me with your fork, and I won't poke you with my cleaver (mine's potentially much more fatal 'cause I'll probably fry them if they tried to convert me, I'm serious) I'm happy enough to stay where I am. I don't advocate people leaving religions or become aestheists or to be sandwiched in between (ie not religious not aestheist, just purely neutral) because that's up to them. You want to do anything it's up to you, just DON'T INVOLVE ME. If you involve me, make sure you have the sincerity not like the bugger above to do it all the way until there's a reasonable compromise between both of us.

Disclaimer: No where in this post have I ridiculed the religion itself nor mocked it's practises, values, beliefs, sayings, etcetc. It's really just the way certain Christians behave that seriously irritate the shit out of me. Or maybe when I need to shit I'll go find them. (Interesting idea.) And stop jumping to conclusions that I'm saying all Christians (if you did), I didn't. If you didn't, then thank you.

Do looks come first?

2008-11-04T20:09:00.004+08:00

I vaguely recalled a discussion I had with my bf regarding people and their claim of "looks don't come first when choosing a bf/gf". Essentially, I told him it's a whole load of crap, because looks DO matter when you choose one.

If I gave you an ugly person with the world's best personality(is there one?), and a stunningly handsome/beautiful person who is a bastard/bitch, both which you have never met before in your entire life, which would you choose on the first impulse? Go figure.

For a better definition of choose, I mean who would you choose to interact based on your first impulse, not your lifelong partner because relationships tend to spring up from interactions. Only from interacting you would know who you would truely choose, but the first person you would talk to? Now that's the question ;)

Not really in the mood to give a whole load of analysis on my reason... but hopefully this example is explanatory enough. Just felt like blogging that bubble of thought out since it came to my head suddenly.

So who would it be?