Happier?
Sunday, January 25, 2009 | 4:08 AM | 0 hearts♥
Maybe I'm not in the right mind to write this right now given that it's 4am and I'm damn tired. But I don't really want to sleep because I just finished Code Geass R2 and I'm FREAKING SAD T_TI know I have written it in my blog before that I would like to start anew and just have friends and a normal school life and everything, but I find it hard. Even when I want to start fresh, I suppose there's no way the person on the other side will do the same, or that they are such a blockhead for not realising the obvious (got to really roll my eyes at this). Not quoting anyone specifically or saying that anyone has refused to the above, but I realise that once stuff happens, the atmosphere stays there. Which makes it pretty hard to try communicating for me.
I do have certain opinion on things which I disliked in the past that still reside strongly in me right now, which in a sense is another barrier. I do try holding them down for those minor ones. But those that are deeply rooted inside me, I make no effort in trying to hold back the dislike because I perceive myself to be trying too hard. Even if people notice, I won't really care. In which I just can't help but think, where do I draw the line between trying to get back on track, and trying too hard that I feel uncomfortable? Part of me says that I should get out there and move on, but another part of me doesn't find it exactly very comfortable sometimes which doesn't make me myself, and I feel insincere.
Which brings me to the point that I've been fairly reclusive for quite a while. After hiding like a hermit for one semester and not actively participating in outings and meetups with my old school mates and fac peeps, I sure missed out a lot on gossip. I suppose as we go on with life, everyone eventually meets their "the one" (I hope) and some realised that in the end, he or she wasn't that. Which would logically explain why relationships' ups and downs are popping up as quickly as rabbits multiply. Within a month I've heard around 5 new relationships and 2 breakups, of which 2 of the new ones were FUCKING SHOCKING I have to say. Sorry for the use of this vulgarity, but I feel that there's no word to better describe my reaction upon hearing the news. But as I say to everyone, all the best to their relationships, may it be a happy one.
But in a way, I'm glad to have started out. I'm meeting friends whom I thought I would never talk to (or the possibility is so far that I don't think about it). I get to know what they are truely like, or how they have changed. Be it old friends or new ones. It's really unexpected. What can be just a casual question can evolve to lengthy talk spanning a long period of time, but in the end you would feel like you make a whole new friend (regardless whether you knew him already or not). Guess it's just that heartwarming to me.
Actually I have never faced much problems with friendships till I came to uni. Maybe it's because the age group is much more varied than in sec and jc. There's also the influence of the outside world as well. Or maybe I have been too active (sometimes it's good to stay low) here, stretching myself so thin that I finally snap. Still it's a valuable experience for me and I feel I have much more to learn, to be wiser. Ok night.
Labels: thoughts