Yesterday marked the end of CGF'09, which in my opinion was a much better-held competition than last year. As usual, the finals were exciting :) Hopefully, next year's CGF will be bigger and better!

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So it was when the competition ended, and I went upstairs to get away from the crowd that Peide asked me if I was interested in joining Rag dance this year (even when I never said I was free after CGF). Although this is the usual trend that all SOCians face(trying to and being asked to join RnF), for the first time it's people asking me to join instead of the reverse.

I think I can understand how those people who were being asked felt whenever raggers "pester" them. But unlike some people, I don't beat around the bush. If I say no, I mean it. I never ever make promises which I cannot keep like saying if XXX joins I will join or what shit. All those times people asked me to join from the previous float session I went, I only said I would see how my schedule went. If can't, then cannot lor.

I never told what I aimed to do during the holidays with anyone except for my boyfriend. Perhaps the only one clue would be in my wishlist, but then again nobody knows when I wanted to acheive it. So when I told Peide that I wanted to acheive 200 asap before I would ever join Rag, he just gave me a "wtf" look. Should have expected it, gah.

Honestly, why I wanted to reach 200 was due to the fact that I wanted to quit from this game. After playing for 4 whole years, it has really come to a point where I have close to little interest in getting pro equipments, making millions of money in-game. All I wanted was to put an end to everything with finishing up my life-long dream of attaining 200, and quit as it is. I would never sell my account though, what with the many months of grinding, money and effort poured in; I think selling my account would almost equate that I did everything for nothing, and the cash I could get from selling could just be spent in a few months. If I really needed money, I'd just do a part-time job.

I suppose most people who were never hard-core players in MS would never understand how it feels like to miss a 2x event. At my level now, 1 hour of non-stop training would only give me a paltry amount of 3% of the 100% needed (with no special 2x, no extra exp ring, no 2x coupon). If I was a robot, I could only acheive this in 1.5 days. But I'm not. I'm like any other person; I need my rest, manage my stuff, eat, bathe etcetc. Let's say that I only train 8 hours+ring+coupon a day. (which is alot, 1/3 of the day) I would need at least 3 days to just gain a fucking level, and I have 8 levels to go. 3X8 = 24 days, and furthermore the nearer you are to 200, say 197 or 198 the exp slows down to 1-2% per hour which is worse - it's more than 24 days to get 200. Oh and btw, the ring event is only available for a limited period of time.

Just for CGF I have already sacrificed 8 hours worth of training, which means I end up having to train for 16hrs instead of 8hrs. And mind you, its non-stop training, it does not include any fr ee time to rest or what. But wait, why am I bothering to do the math for anyone? People would probably just think "Aiyah Bell just wants to play maple la, stop making excuses". They don't understand how fucking bloody hard it is to get to where I am, and where I want to go. They don't understand my situtation, what I want to do for myself. I want to quit, and be able to make more time for my family, friends and studies. I'm going to graduate soon, and if I don't concentrate on working hard for my future I will have a tough time making up for it. And how many times have I told my friends that I wasn't going to attend outings because of some special 2x event in maple? I can't even remember. Nowadays I don't eat with my family because the 2x events always land right smack during our dinner times, and my parents end up buying back for me. So I have decided to stop this tiring lifestyle and just move on.

On top of that, I'm paying real cash just so I can get the 2x exp coupon so that I can train faster. Definitely I wouldn't want to sacrifice the money I paid for going to rag dance. If people don't know how to respect others' decisions that are very impt to them, I don't see why I should bother accomodating them. I have been actively joining RnF activities for 2 years++, in fact, more active than some people; what's wrong in not helping for a year? Why should I be getting wtf faces when I say I'm not joining? So that I would feel guilty? Have a sense of duty to contribute? No thank you, I've had enough for the moment and I absolutely have no sense of guilt at all. It's not like RnF this year would come crashing down to nothingness without me, everyone is doing just fine and what's more, Rag had fucking more dancers than the previous year.

I don't think I'm being a hypocrite. If people want to work during their holidays instead of helping out, if they are financially strapped then of course I would not KP them. But if they are already having a comfortable lifestyle and just want more cash to have more buffet lunches, well I would recommend that they help in RnF instead. I'm not setting standards of whether you should join or not, but just trying to illustrate the fact that you can't just look at the surface of things; you have to consider the situation one is in. In my case, it's a case of people thinking "Bell just wants to play la", not "Bell wants to move on".

Some people may say, what's the hurry? Maple can always play later one mah, RnF once a year only leh. Sorry, at least RnF comes annually for sure, but my exp coupon and ring mule is not going to come annually. And also I hope to finish what I wanted to do before school starts so that I can fully concentrate. Maybe you can say, "exp coupon just buy again lor". Then the ring how? It's only obtainable through a special event and I don't even know if they will ever have it again. Besides, "money lor", then you pay me lor. Only $30/mth, as much as your hp bill only~~~ :D You pay for me, I go dance. Oh not to forget, please remember to find someone to help me grind for 8 hours straight everyday, thanks. Then people may go "nobody forced you to play maple in the first place", well, nobody said I HAD to join RnF what, it's volunteery also HOR?

I'm not trying to illustrate that I'm a "poor thing" or what; I don't need sympathy, neither am I saying that I'm such a busy person and all of you should be oh-so-sorry that you dared to ask me to take time off from my busy schedule, no. All I ask is that people be a little more understanding and less superficial about what I'm doing. Maybe you think it's not worth it to spend so much time and effort on just-another-virtual-game, but it has really shaped my character in some way to where I am now. Even if you find it useless, at least I don't so have some respect thanks. If anyone reads this msg and passes it on, I don't need any apologies. If you want to be understanding, just drop this entire matter. If you think I deserve to be KP-ed, I don't care. This is my one-time post of my opinion to get it out of my system.

Labels: aspirations, thoughts

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