Yesterday marked the end of CGF'09, which in my opinion was a much better-held competition than last year. As usual, the finals were exciting :) Hopefully, next year's CGF will be bigger and better!

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So it was when the competition ended, and I went upstairs to get away from the crowd that Peide asked me if I was interested in joining Rag dance this year (even when I never said I was free after CGF). Although this is the usual trend that all SOCians face(trying to and being asked to join RnF), for the first time it's people asking me to join instead of the reverse.

I think I can understand how those people who were being asked felt whenever raggers "pester" them. But unlike some people, I don't beat around the bush. If I say no, I mean it. I never ever make promises which I cannot keep like saying if XXX joins I will join or what shit. All those times people asked me to join from the previous float session I went, I only said I would see how my schedule went. If can't, then cannot lor.

I never told what I aimed to do during the holidays with anyone except for my boyfriend. Perhaps the only one clue would be in my wishlist, but then again nobody knows when I wanted to acheive it. So when I told Peide that I wanted to acheive 200 asap before I would ever join Rag, he just gave me a "wtf" look. Should have expected it, gah.

Honestly, why I wanted to reach 200 was due to the fact that I wanted to quit from this game. After playing for 4 whole years, it has really come to a point where I have close to little interest in getting pro equipments, making millions of money in-game. All I wanted was to put an end to everything with finishing up my life-long dream of attaining 200, and quit as it is. I would never sell my account though, what with the many months of grinding, money and effort poured in; I think selling my account would almost equate that I did everything for nothing, and the cash I could get from selling could just be spent in a few months. If I really needed money, I'd just do a part-time job.

I suppose most people who were never hard-core players in MS would never understand how it feels like to miss a 2x event. At my level now, 1 hour of non-stop training would only give me a paltry amount of 3% of the 100% needed (with no special 2x, no extra exp ring, no 2x coupon). If I was a robot, I could only acheive this in 1.5 days. But I'm not. I'm like any other person; I need my rest, manage my stuff, eat, bathe etcetc. Let's say that I only train 8 hours+ring+coupon a day. (which is alot, 1/3 of the day) I would need at least 3 days to just gain a fucking level, and I have 8 levels to go. 3X8 = 24 days, and furthermore the nearer you are to 200, say 197 or 198 the exp slows down to 1-2% per hour which is worse - it's more than 24 days to get 200. Oh and btw, the ring event is only available for a limited period of time.

Just for CGF I have already sacrificed 8 hours worth of training, which means I end up having to train for 16hrs instead of 8hrs. And mind you, its non-stop training, it does not include any fr ee time to rest or what. But wait, why am I bothering to do the math for anyone? People would probably just think "Aiyah Bell just wants to play maple la, stop making excuses". They don't understand how fucking bloody hard it is to get to where I am, and where I want to go. They don't understand my situtation, what I want to do for myself. I want to quit, and be able to make more time for my family, friends and studies. I'm going to graduate soon, and if I don't concentrate on working hard for my future I will have a tough time making up for it. And how many times have I told my friends that I wasn't going to attend outings because of some special 2x event in maple? I can't even remember. Nowadays I don't eat with my family because the 2x events always land right smack during our dinner times, and my parents end up buying back for me. So I have decided to stop this tiring lifestyle and just move on.

On top of that, I'm paying real cash just so I can get the 2x exp coupon so that I can train faster. Definitely I wouldn't want to sacrifice the money I paid for going to rag dance. If people don't know how to respect others' decisions that are very impt to them, I don't see why I should bother accomodating them. I have been actively joining RnF activities for 2 years++, in fact, more active than some people; what's wrong in not helping for a year? Why should I be getting wtf faces when I say I'm not joining? So that I would feel guilty? Have a sense of duty to contribute? No thank you, I've had enough for the moment and I absolutely have no sense of guilt at all. It's not like RnF this year would come crashing down to nothingness without me, everyone is doing just fine and what's more, Rag had fucking more dancers than the previous year.

I don't think I'm being a hypocrite. If people want to work during their holidays instead of helping out, if they are financially strapped then of course I would not KP them. But if they are already having a comfortable lifestyle and just want more cash to have more buffet lunches, well I would recommend that they help in RnF instead. I'm not setting standards of whether you should join or not, but just trying to illustrate the fact that you can't just look at the surface of things; you have to consider the situation one is in. In my case, it's a case of people thinking "Bell just wants to play la", not "Bell wants to move on".

Some people may say, what's the hurry? Maple can always play later one mah, RnF once a year only leh. Sorry, at least RnF comes annually for sure, but my exp coupon and ring mule is not going to come annually. And also I hope to finish what I wanted to do before school starts so that I can fully concentrate. Maybe you can say, "exp coupon just buy again lor". Then the ring how? It's only obtainable through a special event and I don't even know if they will ever have it again. Besides, "money lor", then you pay me lor. Only $30/mth, as much as your hp bill only~~~ :D You pay for me, I go dance. Oh not to forget, please remember to find someone to help me grind for 8 hours straight everyday, thanks. Then people may go "nobody forced you to play maple in the first place", well, nobody said I HAD to join RnF what, it's volunteery also HOR?

I'm not trying to illustrate that I'm a "poor thing" or what; I don't need sympathy, neither am I saying that I'm such a busy person and all of you should be oh-so-sorry that you dared to ask me to take time off from my busy schedule, no. All I ask is that people be a little more understanding and less superficial about what I'm doing. Maybe you think it's not worth it to spend so much time and effort on just-another-virtual-game, but it has really shaped my character in some way to where I am now. Even if you find it useless, at least I don't so have some respect thanks. If anyone reads this msg and passes it on, I don't need any apologies. If you want to be understanding, just drop this entire matter. If you think I deserve to be KP-ed, I don't care. This is my one-time post of my opinion to get it out of my system.

Labels: aspirations, thoughts

Just a casual update on my life right now ( i think so)

Life has become slightly less hectic of course.

I took up a tutoring job teaching a primary 5 korean student primary 2 chinese (laughs). He's a handful and ever since we got accustomed to each other. I hope it doesn't keep up else I might end up scolding him over his attitude and it would create a terrible atmosphere between us next time. Maybe I need more patience with a kid, but at the same time, I think I've given him plenty of leeway to be an inattentive kid.

Exams are coming up in a month's time or so. I don't really aim for anything much. Just a decent pass in my programming module which I failed last sem, and for the rest just a B or B-. If my MA1505 could get a B, I would be very happy. For my first NM module, I really hope to get at least a B. Hmm, that's all I suppose for my academics. Although grades are really important, they don't really hold high importance in my life, as I would rather do the things I love like creating stuff and such.

I didn't use to have that much passion for my art. It's not that I didn't have any. Just that while I might have a bit more talent in that area, it didn't neccessarily mean that I had the ongoing passion to pursue it. At that point of time, perhaps deciding on CM was just something I choose based on my talent, that's all.

When I speak of passion, it's all about the love you have, and the devotion that keeps you on and on in doing the work even if everything else falls into disrepair. That's how I see passion as, and at the point when I entered NUS, I didn't see myself that passionate as my personal vision of the word.

However, after getting into the module, and finally learning the little basics of Photoshop(although I must admit, I'm still very bad at it), it just interests me how much things could be enhanced, twisted, played around with so many functions. Although I'm still a sucker for the good old paper and pencil art, nevertheless I'm still having fun with it. I even bought a drawing thingy(I forgot what's that called) to doodle on the computer screen, and I think it suits me fine. If I had loads of money, I would have went for a screen kind which costs at least 1k++.

I seriously don't know how far can I go. Even if I could draw, it doesn't mean I'm better than the rest out there. Buying the drawing pad didn't mean that others didn't have it, or couldn't have done a better job than me just by using scans and tracing. Sometimes, I wonder if I can ever get my dream job after graduation, haha. It's still a sketchy idea, but as long as I stick to CM, I think I can get something out that will satisfy me.

I think it's really passion for my module that keeps me going for now. Maybe I won't get a good grade, but it was a really gratifying experience for me to make all sorts of fun stuff. I'm proud of certain stuff that I had done, and if I have time to explore, I think I will consider making skins. But that's in the future when I get hold of more software and learnt the basics.

One aspect of me that wouldn't be good was to take criticism. I mean, I CAN take criticism, but only to a certain extent. Whenever I submit a piece of work, I always hope for the best result and approval. As long as someone says good work irregardless of how much changes is needed to be done, I feel happy. If they don't and keep asking for changes, I tend to get moody, but that tends to lighten up after a day or so. Still, I get grouchy like an old woman. If you critisize, and harp on my mistakes again after a while, I think I could throw my pen at you. I mean, seriously, who likes having to have people commenting negatively all the time. Pisses me off, I tell you. The worst case senario is when they outright tell me that they don't like it, something is wrong, Firstly, I will be pissed and think that you are irritating. Secondly, after a while I will think you have bad art sense if after a close examination I see nothing wrong with my work, unless I agree with your comments. Third, I will start to sulk. Fourth, I will probably refuse to show you my work next time if majority finds it fine but you don't.

It's not that I'm the oh-so-high-and-mighty shujun who thinks that she's a professional but a complete noob. I acknowledge that not everyone will have the same taste as me, of course. But if one is so dismissive to the extent that they pick on minor stuff without even giving a decent phrase like "it's ok", I would probably not let you comment on my work again. I'm not trying to fish for comments that pleases my ears, but to me it's a sign of appreciation and acknowledgement that this is a piece of work that has some kind of effort in it(unless it's a half baked one, then I probably wouldn't mind the negativity because it's expected). Simple enough? I guess with my attitude I wouldn't survive such an industry. But who knows, maybe a few years down the road, I would have become more tolerant, because it was only when I came into NUS did I focus so much on art and comments.

Ok, enough of this. Need to study and I'm going to meet my dear on Tuesday!!! =D so happy

Labels: aspirations, school life, thoughts, updates

ooooooo im so delighted with myself! i managed to cook up my own version of Ayumi Hamasak's "Jewel" score. although a tad simple, but i was pretty satisfied of how the tune sounded even though its slightly different. ooooooooo NICE! XDXD now all i need is to write down the keys on paper and tah dah!

*note* my sister tried playing it and she didnt succeed cuz she didnt realise there were b flats in the score i think. LOL. looking at the fact that i only played till grade 2 while she finished grade 8 thats rather.... errrrrrrrrrrrr =.= oh well, mistakes happen every now and then.

BUT IM SO HAPPY HOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!

Labels: aspirations